Out of the story of the mind!

To thrive and lead a fulfilling life, I believe we need to nurture the most important relationship in our life - the one we have with our Self! Thus, my intention here is to share with you matters I hope you'll find useful to guide you on your journey to create a loving relationship with yourself and others, and to build a life you desire.

The month when trees teach us how easy it is to let go... colourful and beautiful October ????

Let's begin...

We all love to share stories - whether it's about how our day unfolded, an encounter that stirred something inside us, a conflict we faced at the office, the joy of watching our child succeed, a challenge we are going through or we overcame, justifying why we did something, the magic of a beautiful experience or simply the one about who we are when we meet someone new. In my work, I have the privilege of hearing countless stories that people carry within them. My personal stories make a large portion, too.

Our brain is a factory for stories. It constantly creates narratives to make sense of the world. It filters the information received through our senses and connects the dots. When we miss something, our brain immediately fills the gap. This storytelling ability helps us create meaning from chaos, and it also colours our perception.

Now, our brain doesn't just create any story; it creates our own story. It's shaped by our own unique experiences, memories, attitudes, emotions, and biases. We live in these stories, sometimes without realizing that they’re only one version of reality, our own subjective reality! Basically, we are the stars of our own internal soap operas, without ever questioning if the script might be flawed. Our stories shape our experience of the world around us.

Imagine you are preparing for an important meeting. You've prepared your presentation, have your notes ready, rehearsed your pitch, visualized success, and even picked out your sharpest outfit. But your inner storyteller kicks in with the dreaded "What if?" - What if you mess up? What if people think you’re unprepared? What if you suck? What if your hands shake? What if you forget to say what is important? Suddenly, the harmless act of presenting becomes a high-stakes thriller in your mind. Your stress hormones skyrocket and you get all the physiological symptoms associated, and all because of a story - one that might not even be true!

Neuroscience has uncovered that our brain’s Default Mode Network (DMN) - the part of the brain that is active when we’re not focused on the outside world, the one responsible for introspective thought, self-referential thinking, and mind-wandering - is constantly generating internal narratives. These stories give us a sense of self, continuity, and understanding, but they can also be a source of stress when we get too caught up in them. The DMN loves to connect the dots and create patterns: a colleague doesn’t respond to your email? - "They must be upset with me." Your boss gives you a neutral glance? - "I’m about to get fired." Your child doesn't respond to your call? - "They must be in trouble." See how fast the brain goes into overdrive? This rapid pattern-matching process is deeply rooted in the brain's instinct for survival, and it can cause unnecessary anxiety in everyday situations.

By becoming aware of this, you can step back, question the narrative, and open yourself to new perspectives.

In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) we work with the presupposition that everyone has their own internal map of reality based on their specific set of filtering of sensory information. Two people can experience the same event and walk away with completely different stories. Why? Because we all have a unique set of filters, like beliefs, values, and past experiences, that shape how we perceive the world around us and narrate our experiences and lives. These stories are usually automatic and sometimes problematic, but they can be reshaped!

Before we continue, an announcement:

The first generation of NLP Practitioners in N. Macedonia already began their journey, and the 5th Generation of NLP Practitioners in Vienna is beginning their journey towards communication excellence on 25th October. You can join the group immediately here, or

you can first come to the online live Q&A session on Thursday, 17th October from 18-19hrs, where you can meet me, experience my work and ask your questions how NLP can help you in your life. Because NLP is chameleon and can be used in every aspect of your life - you can register here!

Let's move on now...

Stepping Out

"Get out of the story of the mind!" - the words of Sergej, my meditation and yoga teacher, ring in my ears. Awareness is the first step if we want to get out of these mental rabbit holes. Mindfulness is the way. It is like hitting the pause button on the mental Netflix series playing in your head. It allows you to observe your thoughts and emotions without immediately reacting or judging them - like sitting in the director’s chair of your mental movie, but instead of being swept away by the plot, you get to say, “Oh, look! Here’s that anxiety storyline again. How predictable!”

Research shows that mindfulness practices can literally change the brain. A study by Harvard neuroscientist Sara Lazar found that long-term mindfulness meditation increases the density of the prefrontal cortex (responsible for higher-order thinking) while reducing the size of the amygdala, the brain’s emotional response center. In short, mindfulness helps you respond to life rather than react to the stories your brain is constantly spinning.

Below are some ways that can help you get out of the story of the mind:

1. Notice the Storyline: The first step is recognizing when you’re lost in thought. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What’s the plot here? Is it helpful? Is it true?”
2. Name the Narrator: Is your inner critic narrating this one? Or maybe it’s the perfectionist? Giving your mental characters a name helps to create distance between you and the story. “Oh, here’s the Doubter again!”
3. Zoom Out: Imagine watching your thoughts like clouds passing by. They’re temporary. You can watch without getting caught in them. As mindfulness expert Jon Kabat-Zinn says, “You don’t have to believe your thoughts. They’re just thoughts.”
4. Ground in Reality: Tune into your senses. What do you see, hear, feel right now? What is actually happening, not just in your head? When you focus on the present moment, the dramatic story loses its grip.
5. Rewrite the Story: Using NLP techniques, reframe the narrative. Instead of thinking, “I’m terrible at presentations,” try, “I’m growing in my ability to speak confidently.” Rewriting the internal script helps you shift from limitation to possibility. Words shape our reality!

Truth is, our mind loves drama, but we don't have to act in it!

What is the story you tell yourself every day about who you are?

What are the stories you tell about your abilities?

How do you label yourself with words?

To finish,

My message for the month of October is:

Let go of the old stories that don't serve you anymore and allow yourself to begin writing new ones.

A suggestion for your further reading:

The Inner Game - a previous edition of the Self-Expedition newsletter

Inspiration and Information Sources:

I'm reading and watching:

• The Elastic Mind, a Psychology Today article by Leondard Mlodinow
• The Teachings of Don Juan - the first book of Carlos Castaneda. Got all of them, expect to read about it in the next editions.
• Bird by Bird - a book by Anne Lamott
• Wednesday - TV series directed by Tim Burton