Out Of Office: I Don’t Want to Answer Your Email Immediately…

Last month, I shared one of the many OOO emails I’ve written over the years with my LinkedIn community.

People loved it: they loved the directness and the creativity of the message.

But, most importantly, they were all into the fact that I could so easily disconnect and take time “off” (I was working at the time…) from responding to messages, emails, comments, etc.

Here’s the thing, though: it wasn’t always like that. I would have rather worked a 16-hour day before I even considered setting an OOO response.

…I’m just (thankfully) not that person anymore.?

No more “survival mode” Shiva.?

I’m more of a “rest it out, set your boundaries” Shiva now.

And before you call me out: no, I’m not unaware of the privilege I have of being able to do this.?

Nonetheless, it’s because of that same privilege that I can use moments like this - my OOO emails, my ways to say “no”, how I create boundaries, etc. -? to become a role model for what can or could be a much healthier way of being, living, and working - especially for leaders who have the power in their organizations to start working similarly.

Summer ≠ “earned” rest

Summer is coming in the northern hemisphere (ha!) and it’s getting to that time of the year where people are taking time off, setting up their own OOO replies, and booking time away from work.

But here’s my question: when did we decide that summer is the only time we’re “allowed” to rest up and step away from our professional responsibilities?

That shit doesn’t add up to me.

Now, you might say: “Well, Shiva, it’s halfway through the year! We’ve worked so hard for 6 months so of course we finally deserve to take a break! We EARNED it!”

But that’s capitalism talking. You don’t have to “earn” your rest: you’re fucking entitled to resting WHENEVER you want; yes, even if you rested the day before or that same morning.?

Anyone that tells you differently is replicating harmful, Western beliefs that you’re only as valuable as how much you produce and that “rest” is a dirty word…

I’ve actually worked with leaders and CEOs in the past who saw “rest” as a sign of weakness. In their head, they believed that taking time off - because they were tired or burnt-out - meant they weren’t “prepared” enough to lead. So they didn’t rest, they “powered through”, they stuck out the burnout, they “sucked it up”…and they became irritable assholes in the process.

When I see this happen, I try to help them - my fellow workaholics - through an exercise where we convert the idea of “rest” into something else that needs to be done.?

One more thing on the to-do list, if you will.

This way, by making rest a part of their working schedule, they’re able to set stricter boundaries with themselves - and others - that allow them to actually disconnect from their obligations, cast aside their need to be in control, and actually-really-genuinely chill the fuck out.

Rest becomes work becomes rest. In the end, what matters is that they’re honoring themselves, their team, and their role by taking a step back not just when it’s absolutely needed, but also when they feel like it.

Summer, winter, mid-week, autumn, 9 AM on a Tuesday…rest shouldn’t have to wait for the “appropriate time”.

It should just…be.

Our relationships & rest

The scary thing about boundaries, though, is that we usually feel that they’ll negatively impact our relationships: with our colleagues, with our friends, with our family, etc.

There’s a nagging feeling in the back of our minds that says: “If you set boundaries, no matter how much you need them, you’re going to break the relationship beyond repair…”

This is ESPECIALLY true if you’re a people-pleaser (like me!) who’s constantly worried that people aren’t going to like you, the decisions you make, or the choices you make.

Here’s the truth, though: people don’t take shit as personally as you think they do.?

Not usually, at least.?

Personally, I always feared that my decision to not work on Friday, my OOO emails when I needed to focus on other matters or my tendency not to respond to emails on the dot would piss people off and drive clients away…

In reality, though, the opposite happens.

I get monthly “thank you” messages and a never-ending flow of gratitude from the people I work with. They respect my choices, they don’t even care that I take Friday off and get back to them the next week…

None of my relationships have ever suffered from my decision to set boundaries. If anything, they’ve flourished.

There are more reasonable expectations, there’s more time to assess the situation, and here’s the kicker: there’s also time to just take a fucking break.

You wanna know what does change, though? The relationship we have with our work and with the big C word (*cough*capitalism*cough*).

First, when it comes to work, you start seeing what you “do” as a means to an end - something necessary to sustain your life - and not as an extension of yourself and your worth. Work isn’t everything about you, which means you can have other things outside of your work life, as well as the FREE time to enjoy them.

Then, in relation to capitalism, when you begin to choose rest and set boundaries, you’re basically sticking your two middle fingers up and letting the system know you’re done playing by its arbitrary, power-imbalanced rules.

What I’m trying to say is that no relationship worth keeping will suffer from setting boundaries.?

The ones, however, that benefit one-sidedly from your initial lack of boundaries will change…but that’s all for the better.

Making time to take time off

Time off, rest, relaxation, playtime…these things should all be sacred.?

No one - let me be VERY clear - can survive on work alone.?

You know the phrase, right? “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy…”

And while I hope that all-work-no-play doesn’t necessarily send you into an ax-wielding rampage, I do know for certain that it affects how you enjoy your life, how you care for your relationships, and how you view your job, your value, worth, and contribution to the world.

That’s why, today, I want to challenge you to write up an OOO message and share it with everyone here.

Remember: you don’t need excuses or justifications to want to take a break and rest.

So whether you are taking time off soon - or you just feel like you need to step back this week - drop your responses in the comments and let’s create a collective bank of OOO replies we can all use!

—------------

>> Enjoyed this article? I’d love it if you could share it with your network or someone who could also find it valuable!

>> Want more Cultural Intelligence tools? Subscribe to my newsletter to get monthly deep dives into Cultural Intelligence, anti-hustle culture, and tips to be more intentional with your relationships (with yourself and with others): https://dont-be-an-asshole.ck.page/d77a156815