Out of the Dark Corner

This morning, meditating in my car by the river, I closed my eyes to my “FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL” meditation. And I just did. It wasn’t a big ugly cry, but tears did flow. And as I sought the feeling in my body, I found a new place where the tension laid. BEHIND my heart, the back side, the side we never think about, much less go to look for anything.

Hiding back there.

A darkness, a hardness, a tension. At the same time, I felt tightness deep down my throat and at the top of my lungs. And I realized it’s all the same area. They all touch each other. So it’s an area that’s SO deep, SO central, SO hidden. We think of our hearts as being the center of the chest, but it’s really kinda toward the front. Behind the heart is the deeper spot. That’s where the pain has been hiding, like a child, hiding from a monster behind a big chair. Without trying to shed too much of a spotlight on this hidden location, I’m just noticing and being careful, considerate, calm, a mind of compassion. Because that’s where my child has been hiding. And he’s not going to just pop out so easily.

I need to go in and be with him.

I need to share that yes, there are monsters out there, and danger, but we don’t have to give them ALL the power. I mean, do they get to have all this freedom and light and just do whatever they want, like some kind of bully? Yeah, they do, but we can too. We can certainly not give them the power to push us back and out and away. It’s where we belong. And we always have this safe corner for refuge, behind the heart, this heartbeat. What a great place we have here. We get to go out some too. And by the way, I found out that monsters are in pain too. Imagine that. They seem so confident and bold. But yeah. We don’t have to engage, but we can at least know that we have the same right to our pain and those brighter spaces. So I’ll sit with you, and enjoy this safety with you, and you can hold my hand as we dare to explore.

There’s a whole other world.

One experience at a time. One daring step at a time. I think that the passage out is through our breath and our voice. Together we will express what’s been hidden, for no one else, but who’s to say that there aren’t others who might be encouraged by our experience? So just breathe in love to that area and breathe out whatever you need to say. It may just be tears. It may be a wail or a scream. It’s OK buddy. You can say whatever you need to say, however you need to say it. There’s lots of ways. Your life is waiting for you to be brave at your own pace. Thank you for letting me be with you. What courage that takes to let ANYTHING in! Oh and look, did you notice that you had wings? You didn’t? No worries.

Gary Walker www.teamfxaustin.org