Out of the Caucasian box

“You're right. I am a half breed mongrel. But I did not come here because I thought I was worthy. I know I'm not.” - Arthur Curry

The problem

The world has recently erupted from the silence of pandemic isolation onto city streets in protest of the racially biased and horrific deaths of black victims like George Floyd and Ahmaud Arbery. I find myself internally challenged and wrestling with any peaceful, proactive and positive first steps I might be able to take against racism. It is my hope that any actions taken will help move the needle toward positive change and motivate many within my small sphere of influence to also take personal action.

My amalgamation - 

My matriarchal lineage is 100% Anglo and traces back into the early 1800s in America. Some fun family footnotes include my grandfather's work in the early space program, my great uncle giving his life in France during WW2 as a tank commander, and my distant cousin Davy Crockett. Remember the Alamo!

My patriarchal lineage is 100% Arab. My overseas family are proud Palestinian Christians that have, and continue to, face adversity with confidence planted in faith, family and love of homeland. As an 18 year old, non English speaking Arab, my dad moved from Nazareth, Israel to Killeen, Texas in the 1970s to pursue his American Dream.

The struggle -

I am too Arab to be white. I am too white to be Arab.

I have an Arab father, name and complexion. I have a white mother, was born and raised in Texas, love country music, don’t speak Arabic and never practiced any Arab traditions.

Reflection -

In contemplating my life up to and into the lens of today’s current events, I came to the realization that many decisions I have made over my life were made in hopes of being regarded as more white than Arab.

While my olive complexion contradicts this concept, subconsciously I championed the tilt to my white half. Growing up, I recall numerous times being challenged that I wasn't white. I would counter and claim this “privilege” based upon the requirement of my having to check the “Caucasian” box on various legal forms.

In reflection, my subconscious tilt may be one of the reasons I have preferred to be refereed as simply, Hal. A simple and more common name generated by dropping the last two letters of my full name. In fact, whenever I was asked, "What is Hal short for?" I normally respond with the quip, “It stands for my full name.” Never answering and never allowing for conversation.

As a side-note, I am often asked where I am from? I proudly state Texas. This is usually followed by, "Well that isn't what I meant." I would then just change the subject or if pushed, answer Arab and follow it with some joke at my own expense to put the person at ease. I now realize I do this since being Arab carries with it its own bias and racial tension in this day and age; especially in the public safety field. However, that is a topic for another day or in person conversation.

The action -

So with some trepidation, for the first time in my life, I am publicly acknowledging and posting my full given name. It is my hope that using my full name professionally may now serve as a simple first step to promote a conversation of acceptance, love and hope for the only race we should care about: the human race. We all need to take action to end racism.

With warmest regards and sincerity in action,

Halil Ray Grieb