Our World | “Unless you’ve lived through addiction, you don’t understand.”

Our Communications Manager Jayne Murphy recently sat down with the Our World team to open up about her sister’s battle with alcoholism: how it impacted her family and tore the siblings apart and how, through therapy, they found their way back to one another.?

When I look back to how things were with my older sister Lindsey, I never thought we’d get out of the situation.? It was the worst time of my life. But now she’s eight years sober and I’m so proud of how far she’s come.

Growing up, Lindsey was confident, rebellious and craved attention. I was the quiet one. She also struggled with an eating disorder and when she 18 she went into rehab. That was the start of the journey. I was doing my GCSEs and it was a difficult time for our family.? Thankfully she got the help she needed.

Fast forward a few years: Lindsey was 30 with a good job but under a lot of pressure, then she got into a disruptive relationship. He was violent and she had a nervous breakdown. Opposite her house was a cheap off licence and she took solace in drinking, that was her outlet.

Then she had my niece, Lottee, which really helped her get back on the right path. Sadly, after Lottee turned one, her dad left. Lindsey had a couple of relationships afterwards, one where there was always a lot of booze involved. When he left, her drinking started to spiral out of control.

Anger, frustration and upset

As a family we were worried – not just worried about Lindsey but also Lottee – we didn’t know what she was exposed to. My mum and dad were at a stage in their lives when they should have been enjoying having grandchildren but instead they ended up with much bigger roles as Lottee’s carers: sorting school uniforms, helping with homework, making meals, going to school plays – all the things her mum should have been doing but couldn’t.

I was really angry. I didn’t understand why Lindsey prioritised drinking over Lottee. But I was protective of Lindsey too. It was ok for our family to be annoyed at her but if someone outside the family did, I felt hurt ?and upset, even though they were only doing it because they were worried about me.

When her drinking escalated, we went to the doctors to talk about how we could help her. They said if she stopped drinking, she’d kill herself because of the impact it would have on her body, so her alcohol withdrawal must be done with medication supervision. That just gave her the license to carry on. For that period, she was never sober, always topping up. She was also painfully thin – I could see the deterioration.

The road to recovery

Through all this, I was going to work every day. It really helped: it was an outlet to switch off and get away from the noise. Then I’d come home, and Lindsey would often message me through the night saying she didn’t want to be here and she was going to was going to throw herself down the stairs. She was also very emotional all the time, constantly crying and wanting help. Her mind was tormenting her. We were still waiting for Lindsey to get a place in a rehab centre; there was a huge waiting list. There was no support during this time for us to help Lindsey, we had to watch her decline every day! We finally got a call to say there was a place, but it meant her going in over Christmas, as difficult as it was for her not to be with us during the festive period; there’s so much drinking around the holidays it felt right for her to be out of temptation’s way.

When she came out it wasn’t like waving a magic wand: it was still a difficult time for us as a family. Lindsey was positive and looking to the future, but she hadn’t said sorry for everything she had put us through; I really struggled with that. I didn’t want to say anything to her that could potentially upset her in case it set her back and put her in a situation where she turned back to drink. That’s when I used the employee assistance programme (EAP). I knew we needed to start being a family again to be able to move forward but I was scared to move on. The counselling I got helped so much.?

A new chapter

Lindsey’s since found her purpose. She’s a support worker at Rainford Hall, a recovery centre, and uses her story to help others. It also helps her process her feelings. I’ve seen remorse and I’m so proud of her, she has helped many others who have also struggled with addiction.

I still worry that if something significant happens, she might go back. I hope not but I’m realistic. It’s changed me as a person and us as a family. I control my drinking and am always thinking about the impact social situations can have on Lindsey.?