Our top tips to reduce the fireworks on divorce

Many of us will have just enjoyed a fun filled weekend with fireworks to mark Bonfire Night. The end of a relationship is often a difficult time for everyone involved, when emotions are likely to be running high, and there is scope for sparks to fly over seemingly the most trivial of issues. 

Unlike on Bonfire Night, there is little if any joy in the fireworks which the end of a relationship often gives rise to. Here are the Shoosmiths top tips for reducing the prospect of fireworks on divorce – desirable for the adults – arguably essential for the children…

• Think before you post on social media - the ramifications of doing so are potentially far reaching.  
• Agree some consistency in discipline and approach between the two new homes, so as to avoid a situation developing where children can play parents off against each other. Tell the children together. Consider enrolling on a Separated Parents Information Programme.
• Plan for how your children are going to spend their time. Think ahead about who they are going to be with for special occasions like Christmas and birthdays, and remember that the welfare of the children is paramount.
• Remember that a parent with parental responsibility still has the right to make decisions about a child’s care and upbringing. Mum will automatically have parental responsibility for her child from birth, Dad will have it if he is married to mum or listed on the birth certificate. Make school aware of what is happening. Ask them to keep both parents in the loop.  
• Accept that the end of a relationship often brings about a grieving process for those involved. There are seven emotional stages of grief. Try to understand that all those involved, including the children, may be going through this process and experiencing the different stages at different points in time. Consider family therapy or counselling. 
• Start a dialogue about how it might be possible to set up and finance two separate homes. Communication on this reduces the prospect of a potentially costly and upsetting legal battle.  
• Obtain legal advice. A good lawyer will be able to help you manage expectations and offer practical and much needed legal expertise. At Shoosmiths we offer technical expertise combined with a holistic and practical approach which will help you implement the above tips and avoid the fireworks. Some if not all of these tips might seem unrealistic at a time when life has become unrecognisable and the future is uncertain, but we shall work with you to improve an often difficult situation.

To discuss how Shoosmiths might be able to help you minimise the sparks that almost inevitably fly on relationship breakdown, please feel free to get in touch with our family team on 0370 086 8300.