Our Souls Danced and I Hadn't Realised

Recently someone sent me a message and thanked me for my openness and vulnerability during a course they’d led. She told me that when I brought up my partner and parts of my journey she’d found it inspiring, that she’d been figuring out her sexuality in the past few years and she finally feels comfortable with it. She let me know that my openness and vulnerability added to her having a conversation with her mum and sharing publicly. She said “thank you because you were a part of helping me get there, even if you didn’t know you were doing it”. 

“thank you because you were a part of helping me get there, even if you didn’t know you were doing it”.

I cried when I read it. I had no idea. To be a small part of her journey, when I know what mine has been like, moved me so deeply. Our souls danced and I hadn’t realised - how beautiful! For me to have gone from shame and embarrassment over my sexuality to actually inspiring someone else on their journey of self acceptance. To think I could make that kind of difference for someone over this. I never imagined that to be possible. From shame and embarrassment to acceptance and to blessed and proud.

And if I can do that without even trying to, by just being myself, and speaking my truth - by being vulnerable and brave - then could I do this for others too? How many more souls could mine dance with which I may or may not realise at the time. Maybe your soul is reading this now tapping it's toe, or clicking it's fingers, in time with mine… 

“Our souls danced and I hadn’t realised”

Accepting my own sexuality and who I am has been huge, sometimes horrible and ultimately wonderful. I knew I was gay (well probably bi-sexual) when I didn’t know what that even meant, I just knew what I felt. Louise and I got together 26 years ago, and lived our relationship in secret. The simplest of everyday moments could be the hardest. Like someone admiring a bracelet I wore and me not being able to say Lou had given me it for Valentines Day.

It was only 11 years ago I told my parents and finally came out,  I was 38 - 38!  And just a couple of weeks ago, we got married. I was lucky enough to marry my best friend, soul mate, the woman I love. Once upon a time, not that long ago, that wasn't even possible. Is it any wonder shame followed me round keeping me small.

I had to accept myself first before I could tell others and I had to get past thinking there was something very wrong with me. The shame and embarrassment was all consuming. Brene Brown defines shame, for me, perfectly, exactly how it's been for me: “the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.” 

“the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.”

So I tried to keep my sexuality and my relationship hidden, to pretend differently publicly, to cover my ears and sing laaa laaa laaa. And then I got so exhausted with pretending and it was too hard so I started coming out from under my shell. And then a very unexpected thing happened.

As Marianne Williamson said: “There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you… And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Which brings me back to my purpose - empowering others to align their outer reality with their inner desires. To learn with, from and alongside them as they come back to who they truly are. And what I’ve learnt is I can do that by being me, speaking my truth, and those who are meant to, will hear, relate, connect, and dance.

And it can happen consciously and unconsciously, with the latter being new news to me. We are all different and I work with wonderful human beings to unravel the spaghetti inside, to find and embrace your 'different', and live that instead.

Gillian Gabriel, Coach and Coaching Supervisor

#pridemonth #pride #LGBTQ+ #love #vulnerableandbrave #authentic #coaching #coachingsupervision

References:

Brene Brown, 2021, Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience, Vermilion

Marianne Williamson, 2015, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of 'A Course in Miracles', Harper Thorsons