Our Self-Limiting Beliefs

There are many reasons that we may perceive our potential is limited.

We may grow up in a racial, political or religious minority.? By definition, most opportunities will probably have gone to the members of the majority culture and we are subject to conscious or sub-conscious bias.

We may have been raised in impoverished surroundings.

We may experience persistent gender and/or age-related bias.

We may have lacked education opportunities.

We may have a physical, mental or psychological impairment.

There may have been many obstacles to our advancement which may have led us to believe that we are powerless, resulting in us not standing up for ourselves.? Or a belief that we need to produce perfect outcomes or be perfect in ourselves, causing us to be risk-averse.? Or a belief that what we have to say is in some way not worthy, so we keep quiet instead.?

When we pause to take stock of our lives, there is a gulf between what we expect for our lives and where we now find ourselves.?

As if this is not enough of a disappointment, such feelings become entrenched beliefs about ourselves that we will regard as absolute truths.? They will almost certainly become serious enough to undermine our current enjoyment of life and provide a barrier to any success we wish for the future.?

It is inescapable that these beliefs will be transmitted to our children, our partners, our peers and our workmates, causing further outbreaks of negativity.

Paradoxically, we may even have achieved significant qualifications or a position of high status, while carrying these negative beliefs.? We still retain these feelings of inadequacy.

In which case, the question is, how truly successful could we become if we look to create positive behaviours, instead of relying on the entrenched negatives of our upbringing?

So if this is us, how can we overcome these nagging feelings? ?

1. Write our values.? What do we really believe about our ideal path in the world? For each value, determine the indicative behaviours that will keep us on track and demonstrate what we stand for.
2. Determine our purpose.? Work on what we believe will truly make a contribution to our family, our community, our country.? And one that we will feel inspired to follow and expand on every day.
3. Develop strong relationships with positive people.? Seek to go forward, rather than spending too much time and energy on what has happened and can’t be changed.? Engage a wise coach and make better choices.
4. Dare to dream—if it were possible, what could we really be or have?? Then make the plan, working out the steps to convert our dream into reality—setting our goals will make it possible.
5. Reframe our “failures” as learning experiences. ?When we don’t meet our expectations, find another path and try again.? Ask those positive others for their inputs and rely on good ideas and our own persistence.
6. Practice self-acceptance. Look into the experiences of your peers.? They too have their trials and are striving to be at peace with the world and with themselves.? We have a right to be here.
7. Focus on the value?that we create, rather than perfectionism. ?Take an objective audit of what has been achieved, using the triple bottom line—financial, people and environmental.? ?Instead of perfection, aim for excellence.
8. Give our best, rather than trying to?be the best.? Compete instead with our performance in what we consider our most important tasks and roles.? Put a marker in today’s performance and better it tomorrow.
9. Look around us—does?everyone?actually fit the stereotype of success that doesn’t fit us? ?Walk a mile in the shoes of those who don't "fit" and work out what support we can give them.
10. Be courageous—make an evaluation of the risks and the possible benefits, then plan our actions.? If it is still worth doing, know and say: “I can do this, and I accept the risks.”?

Above all, when our doubts arise, as they most certainly will—be calm, be peaceful; and also know that:

"Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will."

--Suzy Kassem, author and philosopher.

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Next week: ?How to Build Confidence

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About the Author

Jeff Bell?is Principal of executive consultancy ResultsWise in Perth, WA.?To boost your leadership, ask Jeff about Band of Leaders Australia (BOLA) [email protected] and his consulting, coaching and strategy facilitation, or his Advanced Leadership Course [email protected] Mobile 0439 988 662.