In our quest for perfection...

No one truly prepares for that moment and year they turn 30. I say it like it’s a big deal when I bet some of you are possibly thinking that’s not even so, but it is to some; it kind of is, to me. “What do you have planned for your life,” a colleague asked me recently. Plan? I have no plan. Should I? From the moment that question entered my brain, I have not been able to stop thinking about it. Am I not living my best life because I have no plan? How much of a difference is a plan going to make anyway? 

All these questions could be important, or it could be nothing. I could be panicking and overthinking for no reason. You see, everyone lives differently. Everyone’s perspective of how to live life differs and if its nothing like mine, it’s okay. If it’s nothing like yours, that’s okay too. You live your life according to your own pace and if that seems to be working out for you, good on you!

Here’s where the fallout kicks in though; when you overwork yourself, when you’re tired all the time, when you don’t have the time to take a break and go on a vacation, when your lack of efficiency creates issues and hurts your progress with work, when you neglect yourself, when you stop making plans with the people who mean the most to you. In our quest for perfection, we seem to be on a roll to get from A to B, when in reality there doesn’t exist an A or a B. We’ve simply created that in our minds and have conditioned ourselves to believe that’s where we need to be heading.

When I turned 30, I made a few mental goals for myself. It had to be simple (basic goals, nothing too far-fetched) and it had to be things I was willing to work towards, for myself. I want to continue to travel at least once a month. Even if it means an overnight stay somewhere, I want to be able to go to someplace new, have experiences and make memories. I want to take better care of myself and by this I mean both physically and mentally. I want to be kinder to myself and not kick myself when I make mistakes. I’ll learn, I’ll grow; it’s not the end of the world or the death of someone. I want to feed my body good food and also exercise it. Whether its cooking more meals at home or making healthier choices when I dine out, whether its running thrice a week at the park or taking yoga lessons, I want to feel good by doing these things for myself.

I want to progress in my chosen career path as an entrepreneur. I want to prioritize each avenue I’m a part of it, think of ways I can make it grow and have some progress in terms of introducing new product lines, creating own collections, and quite honestly earn a bit more money than I do at the moment. Like everyone else, I’ve bills to pay, essentials to purchase and so on – so yes, even though my current salary would do, it wouldn’t hurt to have a higher pay in the time to come.

I like the idea of moving out of my parents’ home and having a place of my own. However, at this point in my life, I’m not sure how feasible of an idea that is. You’d think that by 30 I should have this figured out, but in my culture, children are most welcome to live with their parents for as long as they like. And as a divorced, single woman, the chances of moving out are slim. It doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen; I do want to work towards it. Fingers crossed.

My friends’ circle keeps getting smaller. I can’t for the life of me understand why. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe I don’t have the patience to tolerate nonsense any longer. I lost one best friend during the time of my divorce – which was almost a year ago. I lost another best friend earlier this year. And I’ve recently detached from yet another due to a bit of miscommunication and lack of confrontation and communicating about it afterwards. Who’s to blame? I can’t point fingers now can I? I could be the one at fault. Regardless of what the reasons and circumstances are, I’m here today with a very small circle of friends – souls I truly value and keep close, who I’ve come to undoubtedly appreciate and who understand me as much as I do them. The lesson here is simple; it doesn’t matter how many friends you have at the end of the day, as long as they have the qualities that complement your friendship and enrich your life. Quality over quantity, always.

I am far from perfect. I don’t strive towards perfection or a perfect life at all. What I want is to simply be happy if not content with my life. 

I’m not looking for a fancy-ass job or a hundred friends to cling to; all I need are connections between souls that inspire me, a chain of events that put a smile on my face, and a mind full of memories that make appreciate every breathe I take.