Our Hearts Beat for Love

Hello lovely Community.

I hope you are all well and had a beautiful weekend. Perhaps like me, you noticed the stunning rainbows that encircled us on Saturday afternoon and then cleared the skies ready for the sunshine of Mother’s Day.

A long time ago it occurred to me that our hearts beat for love. It didn’t come to me as an epiphany or some kind of revelation. Rather, it was one of the countless imperceptible moments that happen every single day that shape who we are without us really realising it. With love as my number one character strength I have always known that to love and be loved is to be strong, but that is not to say that I do not struggle. Like all of us, I experience every emotion – seething anger, breathless joy, deep fear, overwhelming gratitude, painful sadness, boundless hope, and unbridled love. Without diminishing the role of all the emotions in my life, above all it is love that makes my heart, beat.

Over the past twenty years positive psychology has offered us rich research into the important role of love in our lives. Professor Barbara Fredrickson reframes love as, “that micro-moment of warmth and connection that you share with another living being,” and she suggests that it is, “perhaps the most essential emotional experience for thriving and health.” In her book Love 2.0, she reveals the physical and psychological effects of love and its capacity to literally change our biochemistry. One of the benefits that Fredrickson offers is a strengthening of the vagus nerve which plays a key role in the parasympathetic nervous system, which regulates the body’s stress level. A strong vagus nerve, or high vagal “tone,” as it’s measured, means the parasympathetic nervous system is working effectively to reduce the negative impact of stress on the body. Furthermore, love also increases levels of oxytocin which in turn triggers the release of serotonin, leading to increased feelings of happiness and reduced stress levels. Along with enhanced resilience and increased connection, wellbeing scientists such as Fredrickson also document the way that love supports social activism, advocacy, and a sense of meaning and purpose in life.

While the evidence surrounding the positive effects of love is clear, I do not need empirical data to know that it matters. As I have shared with you before, I am always the person crying at Christmas and on birthdays, simultaneously feeling gratitude and grief. And today, Mother’s Day was no exception. Reading the beautiful cards from my boys, looking back at their birth photos, and eating the delicious breakfast they made for me in bed made me cry. And that’s ok. In those moments my heart, while hurting, was not breaking, it was being made strong, beating for love.

I am aware that Mother’s Day does not look, sound, or feel the same for everyone. We all have different definitions of the word, “mother” based on our context. I learnt a long time ago that our hearts are capable of endless love, and more is always more. Love begets love and as Fredrickson’s research asserts, it also positively contributes to our physical and psychological health. Today I not only contacted my gorgeous Mum for Mother’s Day, but my special Mum-Friends as well as some of my beautiful people for whom I knew today was always going to be difficult. I also got in touch with one of my amazing students who graduated in 2013. Not long after I started teaching at NGS in 2008 Sophie started calling me, “Mumma T” and the name stuck. Still, many of my friends, colleagues, and students call me, “Mumma T” and every time I hear it my heart feels like it beats a little stronger. I clearly remember when Sophie graduated and my heart hurt, aching with sadness and the grief of knowing that it was her turn to migrate and fly into the endless sky beyond high school. When her name was called for the final time and she was clapped out of the Cathedral I cried, as I did this morning, reading my boys’ words in my Mother’s Day card. Sophie is now 28, a practising physiotherapist and is just as fabulous as ever! She has travelled the world, experienced life-changing loss and still values relationships. We have stayed close over the years and always enjoy reminiscing about our NGS times together. I remember a conversation with Sophie when she was deep in unfathomable grief. There was nothing I could say other than suggest that our hearts beat for love, and that is why it hurts. But that is also what will keep us strong.?

To conclude my blog today I would like to share the speech I delivered for Sophie ten years ago when she graduated from NGS. It was an honour to be her, “Mumma T” then as it still is now. Wishing you all a Happy Mother’s Day. Here’s to all the amazing mums, the different definitions of the word, “mother” and to all the people for whom today is difficult, I see you. Our hearts beat for love.?

Sending love, Marnie

Sophie Rebellato

Sophie has attended Newcastle Grammar School for the past 14 years… Wow! If these walls could talk! You may have heard it said that Sophie puts the “Rebel” in “Rebellato”, and I would agree with that. It is so easy to turn on the TV or computer and be influenced by celebrity, trends, and popular culture. What is far more difficult is to walk your own path, make your own decisions, dare to dream but also not be afraid to fall. Sophie is indeed one of the strongest individuals I know. She is fiercely loyal, determined, a born-leader, passionate and intelligent. A rebel… Sophie fights for what she knows is right and has an incredibly strong sense of justice. In Hunter House we just couldn’t do without her. Her love for the House of Green is pure and will be life-long. She has inspired, encouraged, and assisted her fellow students at every carnival, Music Festival, Spring Fair, cake stall, Community Lunch, House Chapel and Hunter Day and she is always the first to proudly start the Hunter, “Who Are We?” chant. Sophie has truly engaged in the Newcastle Grammar School experience and today she receives a certificate for participation in co-curricular Touch in 2013.?She was also a member of the Newcastle Grammar School HRIS Tennis Team. To recognise her unfailing contribution, Sophie receives the House Patron Award for Service and Commitment to Hunter House. Sophie was also just recently nominated for OnStage for her outstanding Drama HSC Individual Performance. I am sure that everyone here is aware that a long time ago Sophie started calling me, “Mumma T.” This name has stuck in Hunter House and is truly reflective of Sophie’s belief in our Green family. Sophie, I know you are feeling sad to leave this wonderful place. Please know we will, I will, miss you and all your magnificent strengths of bravery, fairness, social intelligence, zest, humour, kindness, and love. It is people like you who contribute so much to the School’s positive and supportive culture. I know you will go on to even greater things. Thank you for being you, it has been an honour to be your, “Mumma T.” Love always.