Our greatest fear presents an opportunity
I remember a time in my life when I would clad myself in uncomfortable formal wear in order to seem more intelligent and successful.
I was so careful in practicing my “what do you do” response because I was so afraid people would find out that I was… honestly still figuring it all out.
Even in dating, I was consciously playing the "elegant cool girl", saying yes to eating at expensive restaurants when all I really wanted was to go on a fun adventurous hike. I was so conscious about my weight and my skin, wanting to be this beautiful girl men would like.
I would be hosting all these huge events in front of thousands of people while putting on this confident persona, only to beat myself up incessantly for the mistakes I made once I stepped off stage.
When I started my coaching business, my biggest fear were the sales calls. I had an elaborate script prepared for every possible question.
Overtime, I built a business, a brand, and a group of “friends” who liked me for the perfect image I created. I was so bloody afraid of breaking this image, lest I lose everything I’ve created for myself.
The breaking point for me was in 2019, when I had the biggest eczema outbreak of my life. Some of you would have followed me long enough to have seen my updates of this period of life on my Instagram stories.
Even though my skin was peeling and revealing bloody raw skin, I was so insistent on putting make up, afraid that I would lose hosting opportunities, or that people wouldn't value me anymore. Every time I removed my make up, I would be tearing the newly formed skin, restarting the healing process.
“Rae. If you don’t stop wearing make up, you’ll never heal.” A good friend shared with me.
Sigh. She’s right. I’ve already been suffering for 5 months then, every time I showered I felt like I was entering a pit of fire. I surrender. My image didn’t matter anymore. I just want to get better.
And boy, did life surprise me, once I truly surrendered.
With my red, swollen face, I continued doing what I was doing before. I continued conducting trainings, I emceed events, I even went on a date..!
To my surprise, people didn't bother with my eczema, they were more focused about what I had to say, and the lovely conversations we had! I made new friends at networking events, and some kids at the schools I was teaching in came up to me and said I was beautiful (so sweeet!).
Me removing that layer of make up I've been putting on every single day since I was 15 years old felt liberating. To me, it was a subconscious declaration - "This is me, I'm just going to be who I am". I was giving myself the permission to be myself. After all, I physically could not hide anymore.
"We’re all afraid on some level that if people saw who we really are, they would recoil in horror. That is why we invent the mask, to hide our true selves.
But it is when we reveal ourselves at the deepest level can we find out how lovable we really are. When we dig deeply enough into our real nature, we do not find darkness, we find endless light. Our safety actually lies in letting down the mask." - A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson
Since young we've been conditioned to believe that:
We hold on to all these rules because we perceive them as our protectors. They have kept us safe since young, helping us create the life we have today. But that's all these rules will ever do - Keep us safe, help us survive. They'll never lead us to thrive, to unlock possibilities beyond our imagination.
Now you may think: "Rae, I don't feel this way at all! I am showing up authentically!"
I'll challenge you to reflect back on your month so far - Are there any times you've held back what you wanted to say to protect your image or someone else's feelings? Are there any times you've bypassed your own intuition and creative flow to instead take the advice of someone "better"? Are there boundaries you struggle to uphold?
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All these rules and patterns we are holding on to is the result of a wound we are hiding deep down - "I'm not good enough."
What if I told you that you being ALL of you is literally THE SECRET to being phenomenal, attractive, successful, and truly happy?
Over the years, I've realised this:
What I've realised is that there is LITERALLY no fixed rules/ standards for what is attractive/ successful/ good or bad. The standards are simply created by the people you've surrounded yourself with.
And if we observe the impact created by the most influential leaders in history. Those who truly make a difference are the ones who spoke their mind, showed up as themselves, and unlocked a different reality and perspective for the world simply by being themselves.
Be like the Sun. The sun rises and sets at its own time. It doesn't ask anyone for permission, it simply follows its natural schedule. It doesn't dim itself to become less hot, even when we complain incessantly about it. It doesn't make itself hotter, even when all we want is to escape the biting of winter. It rises, shines, and then sets. And simply by shining as itself, it gives all of us life. We literally will die without the sun.
When YOU show up as you, all of you, you'll give people life, even without you realising it.
"But it is when we reveal ourselves at the deepest level can we find out how lovable we really are. When we dig deeply enough into our real nature, we do not find darkness, we find endless light. Our safety actually lies in letting down the mask.
**But, we cannot do that if we're constantly afraid of being judged." - A Return to Love, Marianne Williamson
Deep down, I believe that each of us want to show up as our authentic self. But it's scary. It's scary because we've survived till today showing up as our filtered selves. It's scary to be yourself when you can't predict the consequences of such a decision.
It's scary, but it's so worth it. Nothing is more worth it than being able to live life, build your career, and create your life from a place of authenticity and power. Nothing will beat this satisfaction and fulfilment.
You deserve to live life and build your dream business as your authentic self, and you can start doing it in a safe, non-judgemental space :) Join me in my 6-months Own Your Voice Coaching Program, where we learn not only the technicalities of how to speak powerfully on stages and on social media, but most importantly, how to create a safe home within you so that you'll be empowered to create a life and business authentic to you.
If you choose to take this opportunity in this season of your life to journey with me and oyv peeps, let me hold space for you in a 45 mins discovery call. You’ll leave with a clearer idea of what Owning Your Voice looks like for you in this season of life.
Simply click this link to watch my 2 hour masterclass that dives into my Own Your Voice Methodology and the link to apply for your discovery call lives there too :)
You may also start owning your voice today with my instant access digital courses here: https://raefung.com/learn-with-rae
Keep shining as you are! If this resonates with you, share it with someone who might too :)
About this newsletter:
I want to have conversations about the topics that are uncomfortable yet liberating to discuss. I want to hear your perspectives and stories. If anything I've written sparked a flame within you, I'd love to hear it. It doesn't have to be a professional opinion or a finished story, it can simply be a thought or a feeling.
I release a newsletter every Friday, 6pm SGT (or sometimes a day after... when inspiration hits). I have to confess, I tend to release it on time via my email list. If you prefer to receive them via email, sign up in the link in comments. I send other bonus resources via email that I don't do so here.