Our clients as mirrors for our growth

As coaches, we tend to attract clients that are like us in a sense. That could be attributed to the concept of Interpersonal attraction, which is one of the seven factors to determine workplace coaching effectiveness according to Bozer & Jones (2018).

The factor of Interpersonal Attraction illustrates that “human beings have a natural tendency to identify and attract with individuals perceived similar to themselves.” That is likely based on perceived or actual commonalities in personality, demographics, values, interests, and so on. Those similarities lead to cultivating trust and effective communication between both parties. Of course, building trust is one of the key components in any successful coaching relationship.

In addition to the similarities mentioned above, an intriguing commonality that captured my attention was “challenges.” Coaches can attract clients who are facing similar challenges as them at a given time. You might find yourself coaching your client on something that you’re working on yourself; such as dealing with structures, unlearning a pattern, or your relationship with ambiguity to name a few. In a way, sometimes our client hold mirrors for us. It shows us where we are and where we get to go from here.

I see a great opportunity in that as it can motivate us to grow and lead by example.

In one of my recent coaching interactions, I had a conversation with a client who hates planning and perceives structure as a restraining force that doesn’t allow them to experience the flexibility or freedom they desire. I was able to relate and empathize with the story rather quickly, which led to us having a powerful conversation. In that session, the client was able to acknowledge the discomfort that her perception brought and realize that growth happens outside of our comfort zone.

Right after that session, I was thankful for the progress we have made; at the same time, something about that conversation felt notably familiar. I soon recognized my own bias towards having a purpose and a vision without having to worry about the small details. I became aware of my enthusiasm when discussing big picture concepts and not getting the same excitement when it is time to work on the detailed plans for those visions. I grasped that I had just coached myself in a way, and I too get to shift my perspective and approach planning from a powerful place, from a place of my leading by example and honoring my commitment to empower and inspire others to lead a fulfilled life.

As a result, the client and I both fathomed that we get to be grounded in our commitments, that it requires continuous growth personally and professionally, and sometimes it means dealing with aspects of the work that we do not necessarily prefer as much. We learned that we get to change our relationship with whatever is holding us back if we are committed to that goal, and driven by our “WHY.”

Something I learned while pursuing my NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Training was that connecting to our “WHY” is what will motivate us and fuel our way to greatness.

That could take the form of asking ourselves questions like:

“What is my purpose for doing this?”

Or

“I am accomplishing this goal in order to do what?” 

Another supporting idea that emerged in our session was seeing yourself as a leader, and connect to “How do you want others to experience you?” in that regard.

There is no right or wrong answer here.

In that discussion, the client decided to lead by example, and lead from a place of contribution rather than focusing on their own preferences.

I found that one idea to be pretty powerful, as it shifts someone's focus from the ego conversation “I don't feel like doing this” to serving the collective “I wonder how that could impact others positively The positive impact it could have on others.” Shifting their energy from perceived obstacles to opportunities, and from concerns to possibilities.

In a nutshell, we get to look at coaching sessions as insightful experiences, that bring with it many revelations for both the coach and the client. After all, it’s a partnership.

We get to learn from and be grateful for the person in front of us. They came to us to improve themselves and work on their challenges; at the same time, they represent opportunities for us to grow and lead by example, opportunities to practice being the leaders we aspire to be.

References:

• Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)
• Gil Bozer & Rebecca J. Jones (2018) Understanding the factors that determine workplace coaching effectiveness: a systematic literature review, European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology 

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