Our 72-Hour "Pregnancy"
Kris A. Simpson
Land Conservator & Developer | Adoptive Father x 5 | Child Adoption Advocate | Former Oil & Gas Finance Executive
In October 2014, we received a call from our adoption caseworker with some incredible news. After waiting for about a year since my wife and I had started the process for our second adoption, a birthmother had very recently chosen us to be parents to her unborn, but very fast approaching, daughter. In fact, she was due to give birth the following day!
This adoption timing was very different than our first adoption, when we were chosen 2 months before birth, and had plenty of time to plan for our baby coming home. During our year wait, Ashley had begun to fill the nursery and buy all of the necessary baby items. But we were certainly caught off guard this time around. What happened over the next few days is what I like to call our "72-hour pregnancy" with Giselle, about the most streamlined, but chaotic, way of welcoming a new baby into a home.
The caseworker had called to tell us that a birthmother in the Fort Worth area was due to give birth the following day, had chosen us to be parents to her daughter, and that we would most likely not meet the birth mother before or at the hospital. She was already a mother to a toddler, and had made the decision to place her daughter for adoption for reasons I discussed in an earlier post.
Ashley and I yet again packed the car with a brand new infant seat, diaper bag (because every Mommy needs a new diaper bag for each new child, right?), first outfit, and all of the other items new parents would bring to the hospital to bring their child home. She and I left for Fort Worth in the early morning, changing into nicer dress clothes along the way [in a parking lot]. Her older sister, Emeline, would stay back with Ashley's parents so that Ashley and I could dedicate all of our attention on Giselle and introduce them when we came home.
When we arrived at the hospital, we met with our caseworker who informed us that the birthmother had decided that she would like to meet us after all. We were so excited and grateful that she had changed her mind, as we would now have a memory or experience to share with our baby girl Giselle. Similar to our first adoption experience, when we walked into the birthmother's hospital room, it was all smiles and thank you's. Giselle was not in the room, but rather had been in the hospital nursery for most of the past 48 hours - the birthmother had decided it would be easier for her to follow through with her adoption plan, and her fear of bonding, if Giselle was kept in the nursery instead of her hospital room. In fact, the birthmother had only recently that morning asked if Giselle would be brought to her room where she could spend time with her for the last time before our adoption. It was heartbreaking for Ashley and I to think of Giselle all alone in the nursery, without her birthmother's familiar touch or voice, but we understand and very much respected her courageous and difficult decision. It would later serve as confirmation just how much Giselle was meant to be our daughter. The birthmother would tell us that morning during our 20-minute visit that she knew her unborn daughter was meant for our family, and I think that gave her conviction and strength during the past two days.
After our brief visit with the birthmother, Ashley and I, along with our caseworker, made our way to the nursery to meet our daughter for the first time. The nurse on staff was very friendly and excited for us, and walked us to the cart/baby carrier containing the most beautiful blonde baby I'd ever seen! I remember her telling us that we had a very loud baby - apparently when Giselle was hungry or wanted attention, she wasn't afraid to let the staff know! My wife and I don't have the medical expertise to prove it, but we believe those first 48 hours of Giselle's life were very important on her development and personality. As a baby and even somewhat to this day, Giselle would end up being the most attached of our three daughters - crying hysterically if Ashley was not in her sight, needing to feed frequently, and showing signs of anxiety as to what was/is coming next. We wonder if during those first 48 hours, when she cried out in the nursery, if the staff was unable to tend to her due to other babies, or if Giselle didn't recognize her birth mother's touch or sound when they did come, if that somehow left her feeling anxious and scared. It's something we continue to work with her on to this day, and it leaves me wondering about the importance of the birthmother/child interaction immediately following birth.
While we were loving on and getting to know Giselle, the birthmother was signing the final relinquishment documents, formally severing parental rights to Giselle over to our adoption agency for an interim period. We received discharge orders from the nursery, and headed downstairs to meet with the birthmother in the hospital lobby one final time before leaving the hospital. It would be the last time we ever met with or spoke with Giselle's birthmother, but we didn't know that then. We had a lovely brief visit, laughed, cried, passed Giselle back and forth a few times, and said 'Thank You' a few hundred more times probably. And like that, our second adoption process was over - less than 72 hours after first receiving the life-changing call from our caseworker.
When we arrived home, our family and friends were waiting in our driveway to celebrate the newest addition to our family. I'll never forget Emeline's excitement to meet her new baby sister, and the first time she saw Giselle. It was an instantaneous bond formed that remains and is unbreakable to this day, God's proof to me that you don't have to share blood or genetics to be family.