Other People's Children

It is said in Africa that a child is not raised by his parents but by the community. This is so because for us as Africans, affinity and brotherhood is not by blood alone. You are my brother if I know you, if we stay in the same neighborhood or come from the same village. Because of this understanding, we naturally want to care for what concern the people around us. Also this cultural inclination is strengthened by the understanding that everyone of us will share in the consequences of each other actions and inactions. So if an African sees a neighbor’s child misbehaving, he or she doesn’t ignore it; instead he does the exact thing that child’s parents would be expected to do in the circumstance.

A lot is changing in our communities especially as people are becoming increasingly selfish and self-centered. If we must preserve the sanity/serenity of our communities, we must return to the culture of seeing every child as our child. If you close our eyes at a child who is doing wrong because he is not your biological child, he will grow up to trouble not just his parents but the whole community which you are part of. As civilization and individuality continues to threaten community life in Africa, people are less concern about what is happening to others especially if they see no way that they will be affected. Yet we are still not immune against the actions of others. In assuming the role of parenting or guiding the children that come our way, it is important that we don’t see such children as marred or broken products that has been brought to us to fix. Children should be defined not by their current understanding and behavior but by the possibilities the future holds according to God’s divine purpose.

If we understand that every child is important and deserve the best, we are more likely to do our best to treat every child right. Many mothers are very protective of their children and so they are very quick to make excuses for them when they act in a certain way but that same courtesy is not extended when they see another child do the exact thing their own children do and are excused. This is just like the biblical statement of staring from without at the very small particle in your brother’s eye but ignoring the beam of timber that is in your own eye. People who act this way usually maltreat step-children and young relations. When children grow in such toxic environment, they begin to question their very existence. They know within them that something is not right with the way they are been treated and because they have no answers, they arrive at one of these conclusions: either that there is something fundamentally wrong with them or that they don’t deserve the best like others. And even when these children are doing their best to be children, they are neither given the opportunity to be children nor are they allowed to experience a memorable childhood. Such children may likely grow up thinking that the whole world is against them. Under that belief, they grow up angry and from their hurts, they hurt others. It is our collective responsibility to create safe spaces for children everywhere to grow into responsible adults.

I am Busaosowo Bisong and I write to give a voice to the concerns of young people.