The Other Day #1 - What Are You Saying?

The other day one of my best friends said, "If we could just get people to stop using cell phones the world would rebalance." Ummm….?

He’s well-meaning and very intelligent. He’s just wrapping up a 30-year career as a guidance counselor during which he has helped countless thousands of young people choose their life path as they graduate high school, and he cares deeply about others. While I think he’s being a little short-sighted with this view, I completely understand what he means. Eliminate the nostalgia from his comment and you’re left with the naked truth that we are losing the skills to communicate effectively with each other.

I grew up in a family where language and grammar was important. My mother was a librarian and my father was a writer. Words mattered. Choosing the right words and using them correctly was rewarded. Dangling participles were met with rebuke, and I knew when to use “I” vs “me” before I could tie my shoes. We didn’t just recount our day’s activities at the dinner table, we told interesting, funny stories. I learned that laughter is one of the most meaningful rewards one can receive from another person and that words can change minds and moods.

Communication always has a goal. Sometimes it is strictly to share information. When my wife asks me what temperature the thermostat is set for, I know the correct response should contain a number, nothing more. “It’s set for 68” is perfect. Add on “You could put on a sweater if you’re chilly,” and I’ve most certainly left the realm of effectiveness. However, communication frequently has a purpose beyond merely informing. Its intent may be to influence, persuade, entertain, console, inspire, illuminate, educate, and so on.

George Carlin observed, “We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.” Maybe this is what my friend meant. Perhaps he was concerned that trillions of hours being spent on Tik Tok, Instagram, and YouTube are pure communication fast food. All calories and no nutrition.

I’m not so sure. Is watching three straight hours of people slipping on ice or getting into car accidents, healthy? Probably not, but if ten minutes of schadenfreude after a lousy day at work brings a smile to your face and relieves some stress, I’m okay with that. And it’s not all pranks, extreme sports and dance videos. There are thousands of brilliant, funny, ingenious and gifted people sharing their expertise, interests and talents online.

What does concern me is how we communicate with them.

The Why has always been more interesting to me than the What. Clicking the Like button doesn’t give me any Why. Leaving a comment might, but in the highly-structured scientific research I’ve been conducting since I joined Facebook in 2001, it sure seems like most comments are designed to either dunk on someone or garner Likes for said comment. Effective communication usually involves an exchange, some questions, a bit of back-and-forth debate. Certainly more than a??.

This was supposed to be the industry-disrupting impact of the Internet on advertising. Back in 2000, the idea that consumers could go online and talk back to brands was the Holy Grail, Pandora’s Box and Tesseract, all rolled into one. Advertisers rejoice! We were going to be able to speak with our customers, not just talk at them. Turns out, most brands were kind of like a blind date that only talks about themself, and then expects you to pick up the check. ?

But that has changed, sort of. Marketers have realized that nobody wants to be sold to, so now we create content that people will engage with…..”engage with”...hmmm. Does that mean Like it? Share it? Comment on it? And do they have to actually read it to engage with it and if they don’t read it but still engage with it was it effective?

I don’t know, but the next time I’m sitting next to a stranger and we’re both on our phones, I’m definitely not suggesting they put on a sweater.

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