Oshi Shinobu... My journey through martial arts, middle age and "hardcore adulting"

One syllable and five decades…

The word Osu, pronounced like ‘goose’ without the G, is a word that I have learned and started using only within the past year.Osu is a contraction of the Japanese phrase ‘Oshi Shinobu’ which roughly translates into ‘push through and endure’. The use of the word Osu has a somewhat long history in the martial arts and I have read varied opinions on the true etymology as well as the appropriate use of the word, but in the martial arts world it can mean anything from ‘thank-you’ and ‘yes I understand’ to the most literal translation of 'push through and endure'. It is also used to express one’s acknowledgement, respect, and enthusiasm within the dojo.

I myself, have come to really admire and relate to this monosyllabic word and its implication as I think it effectively encapsulates the theme and experience of my 40’s thus far. Three-and-a-half years into my fifth-decade on this planet, and so far it’s been a period of tremendous change and growth that has, and will continue to require constant re-evaluation, adaptation and perseverance. Us 40-somethings are all now watching our parents, once superhero like in ability and stature, age right before our eyes and increasingly require more care and attention from us. We’re watching ourselves change as our hair turns grey and we’ve witnessed the relatively carefree, self-centered lifestyle of our 20’s and 30’s be replaced by a more meaningful and dutiful existence. For my partner Liz and I, it has been a decade of traumatic disruption as we both unexpectedly lost our fathers in the last 2 years, and only a few months ago we had to say goodbye to our beloved feline fur-baby Archie who succumb to cancer. It’s also been a decade of heroism for us as we continually do our best to manage and balance the needs of teenage kids, aging moms, and all-the-while trying to keep ourselves mentally and physically together and healthy as things continue to change around and within us.

I didn’t know what to expect when I turned 40, but I do remember my Dad’s 40th birthday being a big deal complete with ”over the hill” napkins and black streamers hung everywhere. When I did turn 40 I felt sharp in mind and spirit, I felt great physically and I had just started a great position at a medical cannabis startup. I felt confident in myself as an individual who had made it through a good portion of life. I had made plenty of mistakes and I had learned a lot, mostly the hard way, and I felt like I had truly earned my place at the adult table. I found the first year in my 40’s to be a harmonious combination of well-earned life-experience, emotional intelligence, vitality and physical prowess. Three-and-a-half years into my 40’s and I still feel the same, though I’m a little more worse-for-the-wear from what Liz and I have dubbed “hardcore adulting”. Regardless, I am still very-much here, ready, willing and able to continue to push through and endure. Oshi Shinobu!

The start of a journey

I was first introduced to the word(s) osu and Oshi Shinobu in July of 2018 when I decided to join my close friends Adam and Craig for a Japanese Jujitsu class at their dojo. That evening I only watched as I was extremely nervous, self-conscious and a bit unsure as to whether I was going to want to really give it a shot or not. Craig had been training at this dojo for about 2 years at this point and Adam had been training for well over a decade. For years prior to this fateful evening, the three of us would hang out at least once a week, and inevitably a conversation about training and Jujitsu would come up. I was always the odd-man-out in these conversations and despite not necessarily understanding their obsession, or really caring for that matter, my curiosity continued to grow until I actually wanted to see what it was really about firsthand. At first I thought myself a bit silly, perhaps even a little insane for even entertaining such a notion at 42 years of age.

I watched the entire lesson and at the end I told the owner and head instructor, Shihan Anthony Quatrochi, that I would be back the following week to begin my training. I kept my word and returned the following week, and after a two week trial, I made the commitment and donned my first white gi, complete with a fresh white belt, and started my journey in the discipline. As I expected, my first few weeks were really awkward and foreign as I was starting utterly and completely from scratch. It took a while for me to even learn to tie my belt properly.

Even so, I was able to ease into my training and stay the course due in part to having two of my closest friends there, and also due in no small part to the patience and understanding of my instructors and fellow practitioners, who were all white-belts at some point. For the first few weeks I was hesitant to go to class without Adam and/or Craig there, but as time progressed, I came to know everyone and became more comfortable and confident and established my own schedule. Admittedly, some days are harder than others to get to class, especially after a demanding day at work and/or home, and while I may not always feel inspired to go or feel like I performed well when I was there, I have always benefited in attending and have left each class feeling glad that I went.

Deeper motivations

A month after starting my journey in martial arts, I read an article about the increasing trend for 40-somethings to engage in high-intensity sports and activities titled ‘Extreme Athleticism Is The New Midlife Crisis’ . In the article, the author makes the case that this trend is not a refusal to relinquish youth, but rather a way to get older in a manner much different from previous generations. This article resonated with me and I began to think about my deeper motivations for embarking on my latest endeavor. I’ve had the last year to ponder this and I’ve found that there are a few different reasons.

There is certainly a strong desire to continually challenge myself as I get older. I want to avoid stagnation in mind and body and maintain a reference point to my physical health and capabilities. There’s also some very basic reward-system stimulation that occurs with any achievement, be it the feeling that comes with an approving glance from an instructor, correctly executing a technique, or the feeling of accomplishment that comes with a rank/belt promotion. There’s also a lot to be said about being a capable and responsive training partner and helping another person better themselves on their journey. It is a powerful thing to stand across from another human being and instantly establish a reciprocal agreement of mutual respect, altruism and trust as you exchange skeletal locks or elbows to the ribs. Practicing martial arts has inspired me to quit my long-time tobacco habit, it’s reinvigorated a stale gym routine and even inspired training drills and yoga at home. All this aside, I have found that there is a more practical, primal motivation in that I simply want to know how to skillfully defend myself against another human being. I’m a ‘jack of all trades, master of none’ type and to me the art of self-defense is another skill-set that seems not only useful, but necessary for me to have.

It has occured to me that things have been getting progressively unstable throughout the US and the rest of the world. I don’t know where all of this unrest will ultimately lead us, but I do feel that we are becoming more polarized and moving further away from the commonalities that bind us all together and thus becoming even more dangerous to ourselves and the planet. At the time of this writing, there have been two mass-shootings within a 24-hour period, and the rate at which horrible, real-world incidents like this are happening is increasing. Throughout our history we have been the most violent species and the most dangerous force to ever walk the planet, and despite our cognitive and scientific revolutions, we are all still very much the victims of our own DNA. Mix in the ever-increasing capabilities of our technology and you get an increasingly delusional and dangerous populace that wields the collective power of gods with base-instincts that have not evolved past our former hunter-gatherer selves.

Martial-arts and philosophy

If we are already so violent and dangerous, then how does learning a martial art help anyone or solve anything, how are you not then part of the problem? I have had to ask myself this question and I can understand one’s initial apprehension and/or suspicion of a pro martial-arts argument. Furthermore, I would agree that physical altercations between humans usually ends up being a zero-sum game for someone. However, I would also argue that under exceptionally unfortunate circumstances, a physical altercation is unavoidable and therefore I want to ensure that my chances, and the chances of those around me, of prevailing and surviving such circumstances are as high as possible. I am able to square any (possible) physically aggressive response on a moral and ethical high-ground in that I would never actively seek out any such altercation or proactively harm any other human being with my skill-set. The use of such measures is that of a last-resort, when all other options are unavailable or have failed completely. My first line-of-defense is situational awareness and not putting myself in a place or position of possible threat(s) in the first place. I would like to believe that once I become proficient enough, I should then be able to skillfully control any given situation, my opponent, and the level of physical response necessary to effectively deter or neutralize them.

I have had concealed-carry handgun permit for well over 10 years, and I used to carry my sidearm with me anywhere I was legally allowed to. Once a gun is drawn in a self-defense situation, the number of non-lethal outcomes is dramatically reduced and the potential for a life-altering, negative outcome for all involved increases exponentially. There is an implicit finality and carrying a sidearm comes with a huge burden of responsibility as well as a moral and ethical ambiguity that I’d rather not have to manage. It is now on the rarest of occasions that I carry my side-arm. Instead, if I can learn to master my mind, my body and become proficient at my art, I will become confident and able to manage most situations in a manner that does not have to be fatal and I will gain the ability to possibly extend to my opponent the options that they were unwilling or unable to give me. My act of self-defense then becomes an act of compassion as I have given them the option to reconsider and recalibrate. If left no other choice, I would rather leave someone with a broken bone and a bruised ego than with fatal gunshot wound. At least then this person has a chance to reassess their life and possibly change for the better.

I understand that this is all easy for me to speculate on from the controlled environment of the dojo, but my speculation is based on having witnessed the real-world capabilities of the black belts, Sensei’s and Shihan himself. It is hard to accurately describe what it is like to witness or be on the receiving end of a well executed technique that immediately forestalls any attack (including one with a weapon) then incapacitates you while rendering you completely helpless and at the mercy of the person executing it. It’s a humbling and awe-inspiring experience.

Humility through adversity

While I disagree that “an armed society is a polite society” with regards to firearms, I do believe that maybe, we as a society, would be better off if everyone learned and practiced a martial art. This belief stems from my personal experience with the humility that is required when learning a discipline in martial arts. Prejudices, preconceived notions and egos alike are quickly attenuated or eliminated altogether and are instead replaced with an admiration, respect and compassion for one’s self and all others, especially those who train and practice with you. This is in part due to the physical and mental difficulties that are encountered and must be overcome. Training will quickly highlight any physical or mental deficiencies, but recognizing, accepting and working to improve these deficiencies takes on a positive, almost addictive quality that leaves little time, energy or desire for anything less worthy or gratifying. As the gap between who, what and where you think you are, and who, what and where you really are narrows, one can’t help but become a better person as a result.

Add a training partner (or partners) into the mix, and things really start happening. Whether you are the receiver of a technique (Uke), or the performer of a technique (Tori), one quickly develops patience, understanding and compassion for one’s fellow human being(s). It is almost unavoidable to develop these virtues as one is consistently receiving or administering the physical pain and the resultant immobilization and humility inherent in any well executed technique. Once you experience and understand just how much bodily harm and physical pain it is possible to cause or to receive, you simultaneously develop a sense of responsibility for your own potential, and a respect for another person’s potential to inflict physical harm and pain through this skill. You develop a new reference point from which you interact with all other human beings that is no longer from the dark void of ignorance, insecurity and uncertainty, but rather by the radiant light of experience, confidence and compassion.

Back to school

The school I train at, Anthony Quatrochi’s Martial Arts Institute(or AQMAI), is an amalgam of people from different walks of life, each of us with our own set of talents and strengths, as well as our own deficiencies and weaknesses. The common thread connecting all of us is a desire for self-improvement, and none of the adults I train with are there against their will or there to phone-it-in. Those who join but aren’t willing or able to give themselves wholly to it, don’t last very long as the practice demands nothing less than one’s most sincere efforts and commitment.

Over the past year, I have earned two additional ranks above white-belt and I am currently a blue-belt. Even as such, I am still very much a beginner and have so much to learn, but I get a little better every time I get on the mat. I have only just begun to recognize and comprehend some of the basic concepts, principles and techniques of the discipline, but in the last year I have learned so much about myself, of what I am truly capable of and of what I really need to work and improve upon. There is an involuntary self-assessment that occurs every time you step onto the mat and with it comes an unavoidable honesty as there is no faking it on the mat. The inner narratives and the stories that you once told yourself no longer work as the mat will never ever lie to you or allow you to lie to yourself.

At our dojo we train in a very practical, multidisciplinary and multi-technique self-defense curriculum that is rooted in Japanese Jujitsu, an ancient art that is the forebearer of disciplines like Judo and Brazillian Jiu Jitsu. Every martial arts discipline has its strengths and it’s weaknesses, its practical and effective techniques as well as its impractical and inefficient ones. We emphasize and incorporate only the former from disciplines and techniques like boxing, grappling, karate, trapping and Jujitsu, and boil them down to an extremely practical, efficient and effective means of self-defense. There is also an emphasis and training in the ‘soft-skills’ and tactics such as situation/danger avoidance, situational awareness, and de-escalation of a situation so as not to have to resort to any physical measures whenever possible. We’re trained to do whatever we can to avoid a potentially bad situation and to not be the aggressor, but we also train to be as fierce and brutal as we need to be to get out of harm’s way should we find ourselves in it. Two of our mantras, “Get Home Safe” and “If you can’t be safe, be dangerous” are as straightforward and no-nonsense as the techniques we train.

These mantras truly convey the fact that we are not there to compete with each other, or to score points or earn belts. We are all there to help each other as we compete against ourselves first and foremost to become better people and to become proficient at our art. Each time we get on the mat, we challenge ourselves to be better than the person that we were the day before. As Musashi wrote in ‘The Book of Five Rings’ “Today is victory over yourself of yesterday, tomorrow is victory over lesser men”. This is a truth that is clearly illustrated to me every time I get on the mat and each time I train, I Iearn of a new weakness and encounter a new obstacle as I simultaneously overcome the previous one. From what I am told by the instructors, this is a process that continues ad-infinitum regardless of experience and rank, or so it is if you’re “doing it right”.

This rabbit-chase appeals to me as there truly is no destination or end to the journey, there is only the journey itself filled with a series of temporary benchmarks that will beget the next one. Assuming you remain an active practitioner, you don’t have the time or luxury to stop for too long and grow complacent or stagnant. It’s a practice of continual input of mental and physical effort that offers a continual output of tangible improvement and executable skills. My training in martial arts has come to color and effect all other areas of my life in an extremely positive manner in both overt and subtle ways and I (quite literally) carry the lessons and skills with me everywhere I go and apply them in areas well beyond martial arts alone.

Continuing onward and upward

In my experience thus far, there seems to be a duplicity to being one’s 40’s. On one hand, it’s a great time in one’s life as you’re still relatively young, you have the advantage of some decent life experience and the wisdom that comes with it. On the other hand, you’ve also had a long time for bad habits to develop and take root, there’s a greater risk for complacency and stagnation in both mind and body and there’s no shortage of duties and responsibilities wearing you down from every angle. For me, practicing martial arts has been one of the most effective ways to combat the stress, complacency and stagnation of middle aged “hardcore adulting”. It has been one of the most difficult endeavors I’ve ever embarked on, but it’s also proof-positive that an ‘old dog’ can certainly learn new tricks and continue to improve and evolve. While practicing martial arts may not be the answer for everyone, I do believe that it is important for every middle-aged adult to find their particular ‘thing’ (or things) to keep them engaged, challenged and growing. I think the Newtonian principle of ‘a body in motion tends to stay that way’ is apropos in this regard. I’m also a big believer in the ‘use it or lose it’ principle when it comes to our aging bodies and so I seek any way I can continue to use my body and keep things active. I truly do hope I am never called upon to use any of the skills I am learning on another human being in a real life-and-limb situation. It is one of those things I’d rather have and not need, than need and not have and I consider myself very fortunate to have been introduced to, and able to sustain my practice and so I’d like to give thanks and say a few words to some key people.

To my life-partner Liz, thank you for supporting me and my latest learning obsession. I know you didn’t always understand or agree that it was something I needed to do, but you saw how important it is to me and made the effort to understand and accept it. To Adam and Craig, thank you for being such good friends and good human beings and for introducing me to the dojo. It has been an honor being your friend and training with you. I love you both and I’m very lucky to have you guys in my life.

To my fellow practitioners at the dojo, I thank you for being a part of my journey and for being patient and understanding with me as I fumble my way through to something resembling competency. I apologize that I sweat so much in class and that I make too many jokes or smart-ass quips, but I can’t help either really, as that’s just me. I want you all to know how much I appreciate you and I hope that I adequately and regularly demonstrate and communicate this fact while training

To Shihan and all of the instructors, I give you a very emphatic and grateful OSU as your patience, compassion and determination to help us become what we are meant to become is clearly evident every time we get on the mat with you. Your expertise was bought and paid for by your years of hard work, pain and sacrifice and so I sincerely thank you all for your generosity in sharing it with all of us. While I may not always ‘get it’ right away, I promise you that you will always get 100% of me when I’m in the dojo.

To all of you, I say thank you for taking the time to read my essay. I hope it was enlightening, inspiring and/or entertaining at the very least. I wish you all the best of luck in pursuing your own ‘thing’ that keeps you engaged and moving onward and upward. Wherever that ‘thing’ takes you and whatever life may throw at you along the way, may you continue to always push through and endure… Oshi Shinobu!