No Oscars For Mazher

Mazher was on his way to the office and he was pretty excited; he was going to be a Dad any day now. At the same time, he was very anxious; he wasn’t sure about the actual reason for his anxiety and that bothered him. Was it about his wife? But she’s been under the care of one of the best lady gynaecologists in the city! Was it about the baby? No, his wife and he, both were happy whether it was going to be a girl or a boy. That uncertainty of what was making him anxious was bothering him.

There were no mobile phones in those days and a landline phone at home was a luxury that he could ill afford. As soon as Mazher reached the office, his colleagues gave him the message that his wife was admitted to the hospital and that his father-in-law would call again to update him. Mazher was the second in command at the office and his boss was out of town visiting their regional office. Mazher confirmed with his boss that he’d be back the next morning, informed his team to hold the fort until the next day, and arranged to leave for his wife’s place 8 hours away. In the meantime, his father-in-law called, informing him it was likely the Doctor would have to carry out a Caesarian surgery on his wife, to which Mazher gave his consent and asked him to go ahead and sign the document. He didn’t want to take any chances with his wife and the baby as it was already overdue.

Mazher went straight to the hospital on his arrival and was thrilled to hear that he was blessed with a son, and that his wife and the child were well. His wife was still under the effects of anaesthesia and the Doctors informed him that they were a little concerned about her condition but it was not anything that couldn’t be taken care of. It was a practice at the hospital to keep all newborn babies in the nursery for at least 24 hours and not with the mother. So Mazher was asked to wait outside the nursery and while he was counting the seconds, the nurse brought his bundle of joy and put him in his arms.

He couldn’t believe his eyes! He was so sweet, in fact very handsome for a few hours old. Mazher quickly returned him to the nurse as he was a little scared that he might hurt the baby by not holding him appropriately or he might probably even drop him! He had carried many newborns in the family without fear but his fear at handling his own child surprised him. He smiled to himself thinking, “I guess that’s how a father feels”.

When his wife revived from her sedation, she looked at Mazher and smiled through the tears of joy that rolled down her cheeks. Mazher could see that she was in pain from her surgery and could hardly turn on her own. The nurse would bring the baby to her at scheduled times for his feed and take him back to the nursery. In view of her condition, the Doctors decided to keep the baby in the nursery for another day. Mazher found that appropriate as he was quite concerned about his wife’s condition while he was at ease that the baby was under professional care in the nursery. Two nights passed by; Mazher’s wife was waiting to get the baby permanently back with her but she knew that he was better off in the nursery.

On the third day after the baby’s arrival, when Mazher went to visit the hospital in the morning, he found abnormal activity around the nursery with the nurses and doctors rushing in and out of there. On seeing Mazher, one of the paediatricians informed him that his son had developed pneumonia and they were attending to him. When Mazher saw his baby attached to the pipes, he couldn’t control the tears rolling down his cheeks. He walked away, angry with himself, as to why was it happening to his baby!?! 

When his wife enquired about feeding the baby, the nurse informed her that the baby had developed cold and would be fed through alternative means in the nursery itself. When Mazher walked into his wife’s room, he was bombarded with questions by her as well as her mother who was staying with her. Mazher consoled them both that it was not a serious matter and the baby would recover soon. His mother-in-law started visiting the nursery every half an hour anxious for her grandchild while he would sit in for her with his wife, holding her hand, assuring her that everything was going to be all right. But he had butterflies, no, dragonflies, fluttering in his stomach. He talked to her about the name they had chosen for the baby - “Azher” and how they’d be bringing him up, along with a host of other things they both had planned for the new member in the family.

 Around noon that day, Mazher was called to the nursery and informed that despite all their efforts, the doctors could not save his son. Mazher’s world shattered to smithereens. He was not willing to believe his ears; he pushed the paediatrician aside and rushed inside the nursery to find the nurses removing all the tubes from his son. His legs felt weak and he went down on his knees shaking more with anger than grief. He got up, held his baby’s face in his hands and cried his heart out. On hearing the commotion outside the nursery, Mazher went to find his relatives trying to console his mother-in-law.

The gynaecologist attending to his wife stepped forward and after discussing the details of the child, asked him about the emotional reactions of his wife under stressful or tragic situations if she had faced any earlier. Mazher told her that his wife gets extremely emotional and at times hysterical in such situations. At which the doctor said that she would not take a chance with her getting hysterical in her present health condition. That left Mazher with no choice but to take an extremely harsh decision. He decided that nobody would inform his wife about their baby passing away. It caused a flutter in the family that surrounded him, but he was determined to protect his wife after having lost his son. He told his relatives to take his mother-in-law home without going anywhere near his wife. He then turned to everyone and said nobody would go into his wife’s room if they cannot hold back their emotions. With that, he wiped his face, took control of himself, and walked into his wife’s room. She sensed that something was wrong since her mother had also not come back to her for a long time. Mazher informed her that she had to be taken home since she wasn’t feeling too well. He then lied that he was returning from the nursery and that everything was under control. He consoled her saying that a specialist had paid a visit to check their son and he had assured that things would improve. Mazher could not believe himself that he was talking to her with such a straight face when his heart was bursting to hug her and bawl his guts out.

The baby’s body was taken home and everyone was waiting for Mazher’s father to arrive to see his favourite son’s first child go away before him. That night, Mazher stayed with his wife in the hospital room. Whenever he found her sleeping soundly, he would sneak out, sit on the visitor’s chair and cry like a baby. Later he would go back into the room as if nothing had happened.

Next morning Mazher got his wife’s aunt to stay with her for a while and he went to lay his son to rest with his own hands. He cried inconsolably right through the funeral and later went back to be with his wife at the hospital. He decided to stay put in the hospital with his wife, making excuses to her for her mother not returning to the hospital. He continued to lie to his wife about their baby being in the nursery and that he had seen him just a while ago. To add to his trauma, his wife’s relatives would drop in at the hospital to see her. Before they could enter the room, Mazher took them aside, accepted their condolences and wept with them. Once he composed himself, he pleaded with them not to shed a single tear in front of his wife nor ask her about the baby and if they couldn't do that they may please leave. Some went back and some agreed to his condition. His wife innocently informed the visitors that her son was still in the nursery since he was having a bad cold.

 Mazher’s acting skills improved by the day. He started building upon the story of their son having pneumonia and it getting worse. His wife insisted on seeing the baby and it took mind-boggling efforts by Mazher to convince her that he’d arrange with the hospital to bring the baby to her the next day, which never came. The pain that was hurting Mazher behind his smiling face was not seen by anyone except himself when he looked into the mirror in the washroom. After building up the drama of their son’s health deteriorating every day, three days later Mazher mustered up the courage to inform his wife that her baby was no more. Both husband and wife hugged each other and cried their hearts out. Mazher’s wife said that she’d never forgive him for taking her son away without showing him to her. But Mazher knew that one day she’d realise how difficult it was for him to take that harsh decision. He also knew that he himself would never forgive himself for it.

 Mazher and his wife celebrate their first son’s birthday every 10th of February and mourn his death anniversary on every 12th of February. Mazher’s family tells him that his late son Azher would handover an Oscar to him when they meet each other up there, for taking care of his Mom so well. More than the Oscar, Mazher was looking forward to meet his baby again.

Mazher H. Syed