Ordinary People Doing Extraordinary Things Amidst Tragedy

Though this is personal post, it is one that aims to acknowledge, highlight, and say thank you to the companies and community that has surrounded Lindsey and I for the past few months. Since so many people and organizations have been a part of this process, and since LinkedIn is the only social platform that I really use; I wanted to ensure that I was able to honor those who deserve it.

I am a firm believer that it takes a village to support the needs of people and families. Or at the minimum, it is individual people stepping up in small ways that can have big impact. Most of the time, that village is merely ordinary people, in the context of their profession, doing their jobs with care, empathy, excellence, and humility; that have extraordinary impact for those that need it most when they need it the most. In our most challenging season, so many people, and the companies and organizations that they represent, have carried us through this process.

On September 7th we went in for a weekly scan on our beautiful boy and learned that he had been welcomed into heaven. And on September 9th, we delivered to our arms for a short while, our precious son, Ezekiel James Wildeboer. We call him Zeke.

Nothing can quite prepare you for the emotions that come when the scan can’t find a heartbeat. Or when a child is born with no cry. Or when you leave the hospital with just the bags that you brought with you the day before.

It’s all hard. It’s all difficult. Lindsey and I are heartbroken.

But this is where the definition of community comes in. In our darkest hours, people, some we knew and some we didn’t; provided support, encouragement, and empathy. The professionalism, kindness, and love that we were shown has carried us through. Even though it doesn’t take away the pain of the tragedy, it gave us strength amidst it. Ordinary people making extraordinary impact.

So I wanted to give a few special thank you’s:

First and Foremost, I don’t know where we would be without our faith. Hope is real and He truly is near to the brokenhearted. His presence was tangible and palpable and I am so thankful that amidst the pain, there was still peace and joy. Can’t explain it… just am so thankful for it.

To our incredible family and friends who have been our rock through this process. There are countless numbers of you from all areas of our lives that have been there for us in this process. You have sacrificed time, supported us with childcare, and have given us resources to help support us. Thank You doesn’t begin to cover it. The flowers, text messages, phone calls, food……… There are no real words to describe our gratitude.??We just hope that we can be that shoulder to lean if and when you ever need it.

Subsplash

My second family. I can not begin to express our gratitude for the place that I get to work at and the incredible people that make up our team.??Subsplash and the people within it have been so generous in allowing us to have the space and time to grieve. For instance, I was a little naive to think of how little time I would actually need off to be able to support my family and start the healing process. But man I am glad that someone at the company knew what I probably needed. Family leave has been such a vital piece to our healing as a family. Between that and the tangible, emotional, and spiritual support that so many at the company so graciously provided and offered, it lifted the burden enough for us to catch our breath. I don’t know where I would be with out my Subsplash Fam. Honestly. I hope everyone finds a company or a Job where they feel as supported and loved like we have.

Evergreen Hospital

I can not speak more highly of all the staff members on the maternity floor at Evergreen Hospital. And I mean all staff members. From the front desk staff who were so kind to us and to all of our family who wanted to come see Zeke, to the individual cafeteria person who kept bringing us more food than we needed, to the nurses that made the beautiful care boxes and bracelets for us; we felt so wonderfully cared for. And I can’t even begin to tell you how much of a God send our nursing and mid-wife team was. I am pretty convinced they were all angels. In those darkest moments, they all knew EXACTLY what to do and what to say. I heard a quote one time about how nurses are present when a last breath is taken, and when a first breath is taken. And although it is way more enjoyable to celebrate the birth, it is almost more important to comfort in death. And comfort and compassion we received. Forever Grateful.

Now I lay me down to Sleep -

It’s heartbreaking that this service exists, but this wonderful organization works with volunteer photographers to bless families walking through the unthinkable. They edit these photos in a way that is honoring for the family’s to have beautiful keepsakes of their children who have passed. The photographer who was on call to come in after Zeke’s arrival to take pictures of our boy, and of us - she lost a son at one-day old 13 years ago. It was an incredible reminder that you can use your pain to bless and serve others. I don’t know how I am going to feel when I see the pictures, but I know that I will be so grateful to have them. So thank you to NILMDTS and our photographer for having the courage to bless others.

Cigna Healthcare -

I know that insurance companies get a bad wrap. I even have been one of the doubters as to the genuineness and effectiveness of modern day insurance companies. I still have my doubts, however; I will say that I am so blown away and so grateful that even amidst the details of the experience, that we were checked in on by Cigna.

We got a call from Sharon, Lindsey’s Personal Nurse Advocate, and she was checking on Lindsey making sure she was okay, knowing that she just went through a still-birth. I know that they probably do that for most moms in that situation, but I will say that it was incredibly encouraging having someone whom you haven’t met, yet knows your circumstance, check up on you and to make sure that you are okay. (She has left three voicemails, just to let us know she’s there if we need her).??

Chapel of the Resurrection at Cedar Park Church

Nobody wants to have to work through the logistics of planning for the death of a loved one, especially when it is a child. But I will say that the level of professionalism, care, and empathy that we experienced actually helped get us through the process. I cant remember all the details of those meetings due to all the emotions that we were feeling, but I do know that we were well taken care??of and supported along in the process. And it is comforting to know that Little Zeke will be handled with the upmost care.??And to the person(s) who paid for Zeke’s services…. I don’t know who you are as you asked to stay anonymous; but thank you. That level of kindness brought me to tears.

Julie and Kirk Cousins Foundation

While Lindsey and I were in the hospital waiting to meet Zeke, we were watching Netflix's Quarterback show. One of the spotlights is Minnesota Vikings Quarterback Kirk Cousins. In one of the episodes where it documents Cousins' home life, we noticed that there is a Bible verse on their wall. The verse was Micah 5:3-5. I will let you read it yourself. But it moved Lindsey and I so much in that moment that Lindsey reached out to the Cousin's Foundation just saying how inspirational they were and how much the verse impacted us in that moment. Later that week, we got a letter from Kirk and the Foundation and a little encased Vikings helmet that said "In memory of Ezekiel James - Micah 5:3-5". It is little things like that are so humbling and so heart-warming.

There are more people and organizations that I probably have forgotten to give thanks to, so please forgive me for that. Each new day brings its own emotions and challenges. As I sit here and struggle with the emotions today (grief comes in waves), I am so grateful and in awe of the generosity and love of so many and the companies and organizations that they represent. We truly are blessed.

We named our son Ezekiel James because it means God Strengthens. We had prayed and hoped that God would strengthen and heal him so that we could experience him here on Earth. That was not to be. But little did we know that God would strengthen us;??through Zeke and through the way that he fought, as well as through our community's love and support.

When people, in the context of their profession, passion, and purpose; do their job or take action with compassion and love, extraordinary impact can happen. We have been on the receiving end of this one. I am and will be forever and eternally grateful. And I hope that we can be that to others in the future when they need it.