Ordering Pizza In 2021

Who doesn’t crave a good pizza now and then (especially when you are worn out and want someone else to cook)? I admit the following was not written by me. Someone else emailed it to me, and I don’t know the original author, but since it made me laugh, I’m sharing it with you!

Ordering Pizza In 2021

Remember 1984? Big Brother Google may be watching…

Caller: Alexa, call Gordon’s Pizza

GOOGLE: Hello, sir. GOOGLE PIZZA.

Caller: Is this Gordon’s Pizza?

GOOGLE: No sir, it’s GOOGLE PIZZA.

Caller: I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.

GOOGLE:  No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last month.

Caller: OK. I would like to order a pizza.

GOOGLE:  Do you want your usual, sir?

Caller: My usual? You know me?

GOOGLE: According to our caller ID data sheet, the last 12 times you called you ordered an extra-large pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni, mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.

Caller: OK! That’s what I want …

GOOGLE: May I suggest that this time you order a pizza with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and olives on a gluten-free thin crust?

Caller: What? I detest vegetables!

GOOGLE:  Your cholesterol is not good, sir.

Caller: How the hell do you know?

GOOGLE: Well, we cross-referenced your home phone number with your medical records. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years.

Caller: So what? I do not need your nasty vegetable pizza! I already take medication for my cholesterol.

GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not taken your medication regularly. According to our database, you purchased only one box of 30 cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network, 4 months ago.

Caller: I bought more from another drugstore.

GOOGLE:  That doesn’t show on your credit card statement.

Caller: I paid in cash.

GOOGLE:  But you did not withdraw enough cash according to your bank statement.

Caller: I have other sources of cash.

GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax return unless you bought them using an undeclared income source, which is against the law.

Caller: WHAT THE HELL!

GOOGLE:  I’m sorry, sir, we use such information only with the sole intention of helping you.

Caller: Enough already! I’m sick to death of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the others. I’m going to an island without internet, cable TV, where there is no cell phone service, and no one to watch me or spy on me.

GOOGLE: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…