The OQ Method for naughty children

What is the OQ Method?

It is an authentic communication method that works for parents, teachers and school administrators for children, pupils and students, respectively.

It is called the OQ Method because it uses open-ended questions. Such questions open hearts and open minds. This method is at the core of other methods used by professionals: counsellors, mentors, coaches, teachers and leaders who use a coaching approach to their leadership.

THE OQ METHOD is for Children / Students who seem to lack motivation or who do not respond positively to external motivation from Parents or Teachers.

This method - asking questions rather than giving instructions or warnings - initially seems counter-intuitive. It is powerful simply because it is a change to what we usually do as Parents and Teachers. When telling and shouting do not work, more telling and shouting won’t work either. So, we stop telling and instead we ask. We stop shouting and instead we listen.

The OQ Method: Pull instead of Push

In essence, the OQ Method pulls rather than pushes. This method engages and pulls on internal motivation. We use it when external motivation fails to produce the desired results.

Practice, practice, practice

The OQ Method is simple enough to write down, it is more challenging to do in real life. That’s why there are courses where you can practice. This article is a very brief introduction.

Aim: Access a student’s deeper inner resources

Benefits: Increased self-motivation to take action to reach attractive goals

Uses: Visioning, Goal-setting, and Motivation

• Visioning: Looking ahead, long-term and short term at what is happening and what we want to have happen
• Goal-setting: Planning which actions to take, in order to achieve our vision, in a way that is effective and sustainable.
• Motivation: Remembering why we want to reach those goals and rewards so we can get through tough days.

The OQ Method:?

Briefly, the method is to:

• Ask open-ended questions
• Refrain from giving answers or advice
• Be curious, be patient and do not judge
• Not use your experience or offer your understanding

The OQ Method in Action

When we see our children / students struggling, often misbehaving in order to attract our attention, we might think they need to be told what to do. For some, telling works. For others, telling can light a fire that’s difficult to put out. Their misbehaviour escalates and becomes unmanageable.

That’s when we use the OQ Method, we set aside our answers, advice and instructions; and ask open-ended questions to explore what else is possible. The three areas we use OQ for are:

1. Visioning
2. Goal-Setting
3. Motivation

Preparation

Before you go ahead and ask the questions below, it’s important that you both calm down. Wait for the moment. Find a space. Then speak with your child / student to invite them to take part in a different kind of conversation.?

You might discover that they want to be told, but in a different way. You may discover they want to be asked in the OQ way. Or they may prefer a continuously changing mixture of pull and push. Either way, you are having a better conversation than when you were telling them what to do.

When asking these questions, do not force them to answer. Often, the fact that you asked the question is enough. Their answers will come later.

1 - Visioning: Looking ahead, rallying resources and setting up strategies.

Here are some questions plus alternative phrases to get the ball rolling:

1. What are the high and low points of the coming week? (today / this week / this month / this term etc)
2. How are you going to manage the low points? (manage / handle / take care of / get the best out of etc)
3. What do you need to have to do that? (need / want), (be able to do, have, know etc)
4. What support do you need from me? (help / support / resources etc)
5. How are you going to celebrate the high points? (handle / celebrate / make the most of etc)
6. How would you like to remember the high points? (make the best of / remember / save memories from etc)
7. What support do you need from other people? (help / input / advice / support)

2 - Goal-Setting: Describing the milestones, making them attractive

At first, we work with goals that are the child’s goals, or the student’s goals.?

Later, when you have had some success, you can recommend some other goals. We do this to rebuild trust, and confidence in the method. Here are some questions that show you what we are aiming for:

1. In what order will you do the work that’s been set? (is in front of you / has been set / is needed etc)
2. For the bigger tasks, how can you break them into smaller, more manageable goals? (more challenging / bigger / less enjoyable etc), (workable / manageable / interesting etc)
3. How much time do you need for those tasks? (needed / will you allow / will you set aside etc)
4. If you review your goals and the time, how well does it add up? (does it work for you / does it add up / does it fit with everything else you want to do etc)
5. What, if anything, do you need to change? (remove / re-prioritise / change / adjust etc)

3 - Motivation: Finding and recalling the reasons why we are reaching for those goals.

1. How important are these goals to you? (exciting, challenging, useful, etc)
2. What makes this goal meaningful to you? (practical, worthwhile, important, etc)
3. What is important for you to remember about why you are doing this? (the purpose, the reason for, the outcome of, etc)
4. How do these goals support you long-term? (short term, in your life, in what you want to do, in who you want to be, etc)
5. How will it feel when you achieve this goal? (be, affect you, to share with other people, etc)