Opti-Mum

My Mum was 90 when I took this picture. We had known she was dying for over a year. She was a cheery woman with an infectious giggle that lasted until last June, when cancer finally nailed her. 

She was adamant that she wanted to live independently for as long as possible and avoid hospital (which she did). Things started to get pretty hard for her towards the end, so I brought her to stay just for ‘a long weekend'. She never went home. 

Bizarrely, we laughed together in the face of her countdown clock. She kept saying that she had enjoyed a lovely life. She described how each year passes more quickly as you get older. Six months flashed by before I felt up to the task of sorting out her home, but recently, I opened its familiar door to discover things about her and even more about life.

Buried in drawers, in letters and photos, I found stories that have lost their meaning as all the actors have left the stage. Faded pictures of strangers with unfeasibly sculpted hairstyles. A birthday book filled with names - mostly crossed out. The same names reappearing on different dates, recording when they had died. 10 years of diaries that started off packed with lunches and bridge dates and ended with a few half legible appointments with doctors and opticians.

My mother's expiration has made me reflect on my own situation. I'm now just the parent, no longer the child. I'm living in the second half of my earthly existence. Life’s inexorable timeline is a cruel tormentor. Recollections of opportunities missed float to the surface and drown out the ones that were taken.

I try to quench retrospection as it’s a small step away from regret. But the future feels increasingly hemmed in by a shrinking life span and impending decrepitude. Add to this, the shackles of the C-19 pandemonium, and my natural optimism feels, frankly, battered.

But fear not. As I toil away on my ebullience treadmill, boosting myself to seize the day and cheer up, I would like to share a few hopeful thoughts for all you clever people to think about and help me add to. Here goes...

1. Follow your heart and pursue your passions before you can’t.

2. Be grateful for every day that you wake up to.

3. Look after old people. If you are lucky, you will become one.