The opposite of self-leadership: self-sabotage and what to do about it?

“The reason that I can’t find the enemy is that I have yet to look within myself.” –? Craig D. Lounsbrough

What is self-sabotage and why do we do it? While there are times when we are aware of our self-sabotaging behaviour, most times we are unconscious to it. Being aware of it can look like eating that greasy burger even though you know that you’ll regret it later. Self-sabotage can manifest itself in many ways, but it mostly comes through procrastination, self-doubt, low self-concept, making up excuses and often we are completely blind towards these behaviours. It is these unconscious behaviours that this article focuses on.

It turns out that self-sabotage is something that’s as old as time and wired in our biological makeup. Our brain is designed to survive threat and will lead us to avoid threat even at the expense of reward because it’s trying to protect our survival. In modern day times, our brain no longer understand threats to be by fear of being eaten by a lion or killed by a stampede of buffalo. Today the threats tend to be more of an emotional or psychological nature. We fear being rejected, losing employment, getting ridiculed to mention a few. Although we may want the reward, i.e. achieving our goals and the success that we will reap from overcoming these fears, the transition is often too painful and our brain rejects the change. In most cases we become comfortable and familiar with the fear to the extent where we limit ourselves by self-sabotaging.?

So what can we do about it? Are our goals and dreams doomed or are there ways where we can be the masters of our brains and ultimately our lives? Here are some tips to get us in control:

1.?????????????Reflect on a daily basis. This means looking back on the day to recognise behavioural traits that either aided us towards the achievement of our goals or traits that hindered us to achieve them. Once we identify the patterns that are a hindrance, we can move on to the next tip.

2.?????????????Once aware,?replace the undesirable behaviour with positive behaviour. This way we train our brain to adapt new patterns that will give us the positive results that we are looking for. Consistent constructive action will stretch us beyond our comfort zones and into the self that we want to be.?

3.?????????????Confront the fear and stop running away. Our fears follow us wherever we go, there’s no hiding from them. Instead of running away, confront them. Identifying them, giving them names and knowing where they originate from, go a long way towards their management.

4.?????????????Positive and kind self-talk.?When what we feel on the inside is not congruent with our outside world, we often try to match these by adopting negative internal dialogue.??Quieten the self-critic by being gentle with yourself, this will lead to more positive and kinder self-talk.

I hope that you have enjoyed these articles on?The opposite of self-leadership. Wherever you are on your self-leadership journey, I would love to hear from you.?Please like this article and share your thoughts. Remember that you can leave a comment, message me directly or send an email to?[email protected]