The Opposite of Loneliness

Eight years ago, Marina Keegan, a remarkable senior at Yale, addressed her fellow classmates in this commencement speech. A few days after she gave that speech, she passed away in a tragic car accident.

I read that speech for the first time when I was in my senior year of high school in Fall 2014. In the speech, she describes “the opposite of loneliness”. It reminded me a lot of my favorite word, sonder.

We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life. What I’m grateful and thankful to have found at Yale, and what I’m scared of losing when we wake up tomorrow and leave this place. It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt. The hats.

As a senior in high school, I, too, wanted to feel that “opposite of loneliness” in life that Marina found at Yale and feared losing. I craved it. I found my version of it in high school, but I knew being on my own, away from home, in college, would be different. I had the ability to choose where I would feel that and who I would feel it with.

That feeling of being surrounded by circles of humans, all in their own worlds, was one of the reasons I chose to go to Penn State the following year for college. It is the college with the largest alumni network in the world. I knew no matter where I was for the rest of my life, there would be Penn Staters nearby. I could find others who would help me feel the “opposite of loneliness”.

And, I found it.

I found it when I walked across campus, with my backpack on, heading to class, passing thousands of students in less than 10 minutes. There was so much beauty to me in walking across campus and not bumping into anyone I knew. That meant there were so many people left there to meet. So many stories to learn. We all had something in common though, even if we hadn't met. I always felt safe.

And, last year, as it got closer and closer to the day of my college graduation, there was that little voice in my head wishing I could hang onto that feeling a little longer. I knew going back home to Connecticut to save some money and live at home would be different. I wouldn’t live in a town anymore where my friends were all minutes away and 80% of the population was my age.

I knew deep down though that I would find a version of that “opposite of loneliness” again one day soon. I would find other Penn Staters near home. I would find that at work. I would find that through the groups I choose to belong to and meet. 

And, I found it.

At the end of the speech, Marina reflected back on the start of her four years of college.

When we came to Yale, there was this sense of possibility. This immense and indefinable potential energy – and it’s easy to feel like that’s slipped away. We never had to choose and suddenly we’ve had to. [...] What we have to remember is that we can still do anything. We can change our minds. We can start over. [...] We’re graduating college. We’re so young. We can’t, we MUST not lose this sense of possibility because in the end, it’s all we have.

Possibility. 

Today, with so much uncertainty in the world, there’s an abundance of possibility.

I keep reminding myself that. And, for those graduating this spring as The Class of 2020, possibility is such an important thing to hang onto.

As the world changes, we’re going to be looking for leaders, for people who can see possibility and lean into it.

The Class of 2020 has been given the opportunity to develop the skill of managing uncertainty and run with it. It's lesson that isn't really taught in school.

The Class of 2020 is grieving what once was. They didn't get the chance to say goodbye to their "opposite of loneliness" like I did.

As someone who's one year out, I can tell you that you'll find that feeling again.

The other day, Seth Godin wrote a blog post on the question, "Is everything going to be ok?" A question many upcoming college graduates are asking right now.

He says, "If we mean, “Is everything going to be the way it is going to be?” then the answer is yes. Of course. If we define whatever happens as okay, then everything will be."

Everything will be ok. It's going to be the way it's going to be.

Class of 2020, take comfort in knowing that much of the world is grieving the loss of what once was right now. You’re not alone. You're so young. You don't have to be certain right now of what's next. You can't be.

The last line of Marina's speech gives me chills every time I read it.

We’re in this together, 2012. Let’s make something happen to this world.

The Class of 2020 is in this together.

And, the rest of us...we’re in it together too.

Let’s make something positive happen to this world.