Opening Up...

I first shared my mental health journey around three years ago during an "opening up" series organized at Facebook (now Meta), and since then I've had the opportunity to share it on a couple of other platforms as well. Today, however, I feel compelled to share it once again, given that May is a Mental Health Awareness Month, and this month also marks an important milestone for me as I concluded my treatment last week.

Therefore, I am revisiting my journey and sharing the lessons I've learned, with a hope that by doing so, more people will realize they are not alone in their struggles and that they will always find light at the end of the tunnel.?

Chapter 1?

Most of us would have experienced anxiety. Whether it's that nervousness before an important presentation, or feeling stressed while meeting a senior leader, or that sense of uneasiness on receiving an email titled "This week".? Anxiety, in itself, is a natural emotion that plays a crucial role in our survival when faced with danger. However, when this reaction becomes exaggerated or disproportionate to the triggering circumstances, it can develop into an anxiety disorder.

I have never considered myself an anxious person, and I've always been known for staying calm amidst chaotic situations, that’s how I got nicknames like Yoda or Shifu. This has still not changed, and I still get feedback to be more aggressive; but the last 4 years have been a little different.?

Chapter 2

Back in November 2018, I began experiencing palpitations, and I comfortably attributed them to the increased pollution levels in Delhi during winter. Later, after moving into our new house, I started encountering difficulty in breathing, which again we thought was due to the ongoing renovation and accumulated dust. So to take a break and hoping for improvements, we traveled to Abu Dhabi for a few days around New Year, but unfortunately, nothing changed much.?

Upon my return, I delayed seeking medical advice, but eventually, we consulted a General Physician who noticed an elevated blood pressure and prescribed medication for it. Although the medication helped reduce my blood pressure and eased the palpitations to some extent, they persisted. Seeking a second opinion, we spent another eight weeks searching for answers, but the situation remained largely unchanged. Chest pain and frequent numbness in my hands became a regular feature of the day. Some days, the seatbelt would feel choking, and some days climbing just a couple of floors would leave me breathless.

Chapter 3 - Parabellum

One late night, my palpitations escalated to the point where I couldn't breathe at all, and I feared for my life. In response, I hastily prepared a document with all my account details, passwords, and important notes, and messaged them to my wife, ensuring she was aware in case something dire occurred. Fortunately, nothing harmful happened.?

But that experience served as a wake-up call for me, prompting me to take my condition seriously. I finally met a specialist who recommended several tests to rule out any cardiac issues, and fortunately, all the results came back normal. I was ultimately diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and that specific episode was identified as a panic attack.?

Chapter 4

The diagnosis contradicted my personality, so I wasn’t sure how people would react to it. However, I decided to share it with a couple of close friends, immediate family members, and a few colleagues at work. And I was surprised to hear that many others have faced similar challenges but had never spoken openly about them. So by sharing my experience, I not only found support from individuals who understood me, but also connected with others going through similar challenges. It was this realization that compelled me to share my journey more openly.

Here are a few key lessons I've learned throughout my journey that I'd like to share with you all:

1) Open Up to Yourself

The first person you need to open up is yourself, and accepting that there may be an issue is a big first step. Avoid wasting time in disbelief or self-diagnosis. So the sooner you acknowledge it, the better.

2) Open Up to Others

It's important to share your feelings with those who are directly or indirectly affected. This includes your family, friends, and colleagues. While it may make you feel vulnerable, it helps people understand the context, and you may find amazing support from them.

3) Find a Support System

Once you open up, you'll discover people who genuinely care and want to support you. While your family is likely to be supportive, it can be beneficial to find support at work as well, given the amount of time spent there. To be honest, you will also find individuals who will belittle or make fun of your situation, but remember that it often stems from ignorance. By being open, we can work towards creating a more empathetic environment.

4) Don't Hesitate to Seek Professional Help

Some people may underestimate the seriousness of mental health issues compared to physical ailments like fever or even cough. As a result, they may feel skeptical about seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. However, seeking professional help is one of the most effective steps you can take for your well-being. It made a significant difference for me.

5) Don't Stress—Things Will Get Better

This is a crucial point that we often overlook. During the process of writing this post, I initially had four tips and felt a bit stressed because the "magic number" is usually five. However, I reminded myself not to worry, as no one has ever died from reading one less tip. Surprisingly, this realisation became the fifth tip. Remember, the journey may be long, but things will get better. So stay positive, don't fret, and never give up.?

Throughout this long 4 year journey, my wife has been the biggest source of strength. However, I wouldn't have made it through without the support of my friends who listened without judgment, my managers who trusted me during challenging times, my colleagues who became incredible allies, my team who stood by me and provided the space I needed, my doctors who were always available on a short notice, and Coco, who took away a bulk of my anxiety just by looking at me with those puppy eyes.

I can’t thank you all enough, it’s been such a blessing to have you as an ally in this journey.?So before I end, I want to add one thing for people who want to be an ally in someone else's journey.

“ A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a young boy’s shoulders to let him know that the world hadn’t ended. ”

Be that hero !