An Open Letter To My Basketball Son

Dear Gabe,

Tonight, your senior year of basketball will tip off. This is the culmination of a lot of work which began in footie pajamas shooting on a Little Tikes plastic hoop and getting super pissed when you missed.? Now you shoot on a regular rim and get marginally pissed when you miss.? As you prepare to embark on this voyage, I thought I would share some thoughts and advice.? Think of it as a Phil Jackson-like reading assignment.?

1.???? People who leave the game in the third quarter wouldn’t be there at all if their kid or grandkid wasn’t dancing at halftime. They’d go right to Nite N Gale. They don’t pay attention anyway so ignore it.

2.???? You set goals for yourself very early on, not just about your performance but about the kind of teammate you wanted to be.? Don’t lose sight of that now.? Remember how you were treated as a sophomore and be the senior you think the younger guys deserve.

3.???? I stopped talking to you during games when you told me to shut the fuck up during a dead ball.? It was a proud parenting moment as rather than screaming it you aggressively mouthed it while giving me a death stare. All I ask for is the continued head nod of recognition before tip-off and I’ll keep my mouth shut.

4.???? I think it’s time you admit that your passion for the game was fueled by beating your grandfather in horse when all he had left was the old man hook shot.

5.???? Don’t. Be. The. Guy.

6.???? Your pre-game handshake should match and pace with your performance.? The better you play, the more complicated it can be. Otherwise, you’re just a poser.?

7.???? I’m amazed that the anytime milk shake based incentive program for charges taken has worked for so long. Originally it was meant to get you over your fear of contact.? Now I think I do it just so I can still make the milk shake.

8.???? Learning to be a leader is more important off the floor than on it. I think you’ve done that.? Use your voice. Set the example. Do the work. Be empathetic, to others and to yourself.? It’s a lesson you will use the rest of your life as a husband, father and friend.

9.???? Cane’s is not a pre-game meal. It’s a post-game reward and the likely cause of intestinal unrest.

10.? You’re a nice kid.? Now, more than ever, it’s time to leave that kid in the locker room and be an asshole between the lines (hear it in Kevin Kaminsky 's voice). This is your year, your team, your time.? Hold people accountable to the standard you set.

I recognize this is high school basketball and you aren’t going to #duke.? It’s not about that.? It’s about the role that basketball has played in shaping your value system. ?My constant advice to you about playing aggressively, saying what you are feeling and not looking over your shoulder after a mistake is as much about your performance as it is about instilling confidence in you that I hoped would carry over into school, social situations, life in general. I think it has.

The sport has taught you discipline, responsibility and accountability. It’s also taught you how you feel when you are passionate about something. It has meant so much and you will always be able to go play, as Michael said, for the love of the game. I know that isn’t the same thing or the same camaraderie and I know you will miss it.?

If it helps, I don’t think you will miss it as much as I will miss watching you play. It's been my favorite activity next to talking to you before and after games. Not a lot of kids would be willing to share as much as you have and I’m so grateful for those conversations. They have been a gift that brought me an unparalleled amount of joy.

So enjoy the season.? Have no regrets, as you’ve already said.? Take time to smile, to celebrate the wins, digest the losses and be in the moment so that it doesn’t pass you by.

Command the ball.? Play hard.? Take a charge.? The milkshake will be waiting.

Love you,

Dad

P.S. Only one Michael reference.? Not bad.