An Open Letter On Mental Health

Dear reader,

Has life ever dragged your mental health arse-backwards through a barbed wire fence, dropped it into an active volcano, and Hulk-smashed it to pieces?

Buckle up, my dudes.

Like a lot of us, as a child, I couldn’t imagine suffering with my mental health. That was something that happened to other people, it could never be me. Or so I thought. Navigating through your twenties and confronting all the usual terrifying realities of adulthood is bad enough, but couple that with the unpredictability of a global pandemic and a cost-of-living crisis… it’s not looking good, bruv.

Suffice to say, I’ve been through a lot over the last three years. Things came to a head for me when my cousin committed suicide a couple of weeks before the UK went into lockdown. At the time, I was approximately three miles below rock bottom. My depression had me by the lady-balls and I was experiencing suicidal thoughts almost every day, to the point where I had decided how and where I would end my life. So, when I saw how the impact of my cousin’s death ripped through my family, it felt like the wake-up call I needed to ask for help.

Get it off your chest!

Talking about your feelings is easier said than done, believe me. As someone who had always kept things bottled-up, the last thing I wanted to do was talk about it. I didn’t want to become a burden to someone I cared about, I also feared being judged or being told that I was being silly, and I just needed to “chill out”. ?So when I did finally take the plunge, I won’t lie to you and say it was easier than I thought it would be, or pretend that I instantly felt the weight come off my shoulders, because I didn’t. You must understand that just like healing broken bones, it takes time.

The most effective way for me to talk about my feelings was, and still is, through therapy. I found speaking to someone with no personal connection to me, who’s role is to listen and help me open-up about my thoughts and feelings, the best thing for me. Understanding that I wasn’t a “crazy person” and that it was ok for me to feel the way I did was like a drug that no doctor could prescribe.

My therapist helped me to understand that a lot of my depression and anxiety stemmed from childhood trauma, and as I grew older and started to realise that I was neglected and abused for a lot of my life, I took it out on the only person I could truly rely on, myself.

Through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), I was able to manage the impact of my trauma by making changes to how I thought and behaved. When I tell you that this changed my life, I really mean it has completely transformed the way I approach all aspects of my life, at home, in work, in relationships, everything.

Of course, therapy isn’t the only option out there. As well as speaking to family and friends, there’s an abundance of online resources at your disposal, like blogs and articles written by real people who have been through their own mental health journeys. You’ll also find most organisations take workplace mental health very seriously these days, they will have healthcare services available for you to use, such as support groups and counselling sessions. There are also thousands of websites and apps dedicated to mental health support, ready and waiting for you, as well as books, podcasts, YouTube videos, I could go on and on, but my point is that the help is out there waiting for you, whenever you're ready.

Things will get better.

One of my biggest fears when I was depressed, that still crops up from time-to-time, is that I would be stuck feeling this way forever. I genuinely believed that I would never be happy, I wasn’t going to have the fairy-tail life you see on social media or in films. I had accepted this for myself and there was no way anyone could change my mind. The trouble is, I thought I was in control by accepting this fate for myself, when actually I was the most out of control I could be. The longer you go feeling like you’ll always be miserable, the less time you get to spend being happy.

Don’t get me wrong, when you do find happiness again, it doesn’t stay forever, it comes and goes. Situations and events out of our control will always crop up, you will fall out with friends, get your heart broken, you won’t always get the job, your dog will die one day… I’ll stop there as even writing about my dog dying is making me emotional. Nothing can prepare you for some of the hard times you will face, they will be hard, and you won’t be ok, and that’s ok. Sometimes you just need a reminder that no matter how many challenges life throws at you, better days will come.

You are not alone

Do you know what my biggest worry is while I write this? It’s that I’m worried I might be called out for plagiarism. Seriously. I know that there will be hundreds, if not thousands of articles and blogs on the internet that have a similar, or if not the same story that I have. But it’s also so comforting to know that I am not the only one who has experienced these thoughts and feelings. Throughout my mental health journey, I’ve come to realise there’s actually a whole community of people who have been through what I have. Not to brag, but we even have a name.

?I used to think that there were so many other people in the world who have a much harder life than me, and that’s true because there are. But that doesn’t make my experience any less important, my feelings are still very much valid. Don’t fall into that trap of comparing yourself to others and remember that there are so many other people who have shared the same thoughts and feelings as you, and they were able to pull themselves out of it.

If you’re reading this and are struggling with your mental health right now, if you’re feeling alone, scared, like there’s no way out, please remember that you are not alone. I have been exactly where you are right now, I am the pudding, and my proof is that I’m still here and I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I wish I could go back in time, grab depressed Carys by the shoulders and hold her tight as I tell her “You are going to be so happy one day.”

I, along with all the other people who have fought the same battle, are all rooting for you to succeed. When you’re feeling alone, picture us sat in an audience, a thousand Kris Jenner’s cheering “You’re doing amazing, sweetie”. ?

It all starts with you, you’ve got this.