An Open Letter to Future Dads: Let Us Foster a Culture of Care

Dear future dads,

It is with honor and emotion that I welcome you inside the fatherhood circle.

Now more than ever, your role is critical.

While I still have a lot to learn about being a dad, I want to offer a few insights, which I hope, will be valuable.

The first one is this: embrace your caregiving role to the fullest.

The best way to achieve this, is to take full advantage of your paid family leave benefits, if your country / state / organization allow it.

Please acknowledge that this is not 'a given' for everyone.

Be grateful for it and enjoy these benefits if they are available to you.

• Do not let anyone guilt you about taking time off to bond with your new family. This is a unique moment where you will create a special connection with your child and establish a new family dynamic: having a new human being under your roof is a big deal.
• Do not let a corporate culture or traditional gender norms rob you of the chance to experience the most fulfilling moments of your life. Even if you are a bread-winner, nobody should pressure you to solely embrace this aspect of parenting.
• Do not feel ashamed about wanting to be a caregiver. This need is natural. It is your right and this is (also) your job. Discuss it with your partner about the role you want to play in your children’s life. Figure out a dynamic that works for both of you, regardless of what your family or society thinks about it.

The first weeks following birth are priceless.

They are for nurturing and learning, for both parents.

For mothers, it is critical time of physical and emotional healing.

You must step in and fully embrace your role.

You are not helping. You are not babysitting. You are parenting.

Unfortunately, you will quickly notice:

• how unfriendly modern society can be to parents;
• how challenging and costly can childcare be.

Workplaces largely devalue caregiving, especially when performed by a man.

This is why it is important for us fathers to, collectively, create a culture of care.

While I am addressing upcoming fathers in this letter, note that the title reads let us foster culture of care.

It means that all fathers must contribute to break the stigmas of destructive and outdated gender roles about caregiving. Either by encouraging and supporting other fathers in their caregiving journey; and being showing leadership by being an advocate of the importance of the caregiving role of fathers.

It is an historical time for men, women and evolving gender dynamics.

As fathers, it is our time to play an active caregiving role and to be visible about it.

There are many things I could add but I want to end this letter with three practical advices. Those advices could also be interpreted as requests, as I am sure that they will benefit society at large.

1. Be a visible pioneer.?Don’t conform to traditional gender roles: be the dad you want to be.
2. Be vulnerable. Ask for help: someone will always listen. It’s ok to be emotional.
3. Be present. Physically and emotionally: it is the greatest present you can give.

Dear future dads, I wish you all the best in this beautiful journey.

Let’s create a culture of care, together.