If Only They Would...

One of the problems that we face in our current troubled world is our innate tendency to assume that something is always some one else’s fault. I have worked with a number of churches and other such groups in the past where a particular attitude was prevalent: “Everything will be fine if those people would just shape up,” or put another way “Yes, change is needed and I will be glad when they see that and get around to changing.”

There are all sorts of reasons why such a response is popular, but mostly it is because it allows things to remain as we like them and to move responsibility for the way things are to someone else. Further, it allows me to escape responsibility for the state of affairs in which I find myself. 

Writing in It Was All a Lie, Stuart Stevens offers this seemingly obvious pearl of wisdom: “I have this crazy idea that a return to personal responsibility begins with personal responsibility.” In other words, if we want things to be different, we ourselves might just have to work toward that end rather than just waiting for the other side (whoever they might be) to get their act together and blaming them for any delay.

Of course, our ability to blame is enhanced by our caricaturing of others, allowing us to believe the worst about them and their motives. It is also bolstered by a sense of increasing self righteousness about our own positions, resulting in a “the problem can’t possibly be me” attitude.

The ability to tweet or post almost anonymously has of course contributed to our relationship breakdown. Often I wonder if people think at all before they share or retweet something. Do they even consider whether or not it is helpful or is it just another attempt to score points in what is increasingly a losing game? Do we ever ask, “How does this help things?”

Jim Wallace writes in Christ In Crisis?: Why We Need To Reclaim Jesus: “Hurtful, racist actions are not “activism.” Hate language is not blunt talk. Think about what you post and share online or the jokes you tolerate. Use your imagination to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, kicks, or sandals. Do the simple thing and treat all people the way you want to be treated.” 

Now, let’s be clear. It is quite possible that there is something wrong with their position. In fact, there is something wrong in almost all positions as they are shaped by persons with a not-always-enlightened self interest. But to only focus on the problems in their position without understanding how it might have been derived is to see only half of the picture. At one and the same moment, we might also consider how and why our positions came into existence. We might examine our own ideas with the same scrutiny and requirement of intellectual alignment and perfection that we apply to others.

Oh, I understand the hesitancy. If we give an inch, they might win. We must present a solid front. On the other other hand, if we are continually blind to reasons why people believe what they believe, we will finally all lose because underlying issues will never be solved, much less really addressed.

As hard as it is for me to admit, it is not just them. In some part it might be us. Or on a more personal note, it might be me.