Breaking Society's Bad Habits Starts with Us

Decades ago,?hatred?began to?build?in?online?chat rooms,?where?people?(protected by the anonymity of their computer screens)?could?post?judgmental?vitriol with little?accountability. We thought these?ugly conversations would stay contained?to?small virtual spaces;?but?when millions of people adopt the?same bad?habits,?those behaviors add up to?define?who we are.?Hatred begets hatred and?nasty words based?on nastier?(and often false)?sentiments,?have since?spread through social media?-?and?bubbled over?into the offline world, too.??

Today,?we seem quicker than ever to judge one another, and slower than ever to forgive. We?often?assume negative intent instead of?positive,?and point our fingers before we’ve taken the time to?explore the?nuances?of a situation.?More and more, we’ve?replaced trust in one another?with?chronic?skepticism?and defensiveness. We?have become accustomed?to pitting?“us” against “them,” and dividing?the world?- and its complex issues?-?into two incompatible halves.?

We tend to consume?information more superficially. We?frequently?share articles online?without having?read them?and?‘Like’ posts in our newsfeeds?before making the effort to?think hard?about the ideas we are endorsing.?We?often?resist changing?our minds or admitting?to ourselves that we could be wrong, because doing so feels like a?concession.?We are becoming increasingly inflexible and more prone to rationalizing away ideas that don’t confirm our existing beliefs. As a result, we are getting farther from the truth and much farther from each other.?

We?reflexively?retreat to our echo chambers and silos, where we feel comforted by those who affirm our views.?Seeing differences as threats, we?increasingly?avoid confrontation. In a nation in which people used to argue an issue vigorously?and?then head to dinner as friends, we?now risk?losing?the ability to engage in hearty debate?as?a means to?uncovering the strongest ideas.?

Societal?stressors?have converged?to enable these patterns.?Divisive political figures have?sought to pit us against?one another?and?to?normalize?treating those with different political views as?‘lesser than.’?Fundamental inequalities?deeply embedded in American institutions have exposed centuries of injustice, tempting us to turn our anger and frustration into?blame.?The atomization of news sources and social media algorithms designed to promote sensational, contentious, and often false stories are contributing to a culture in which it's easier than ever to slip into harmful patterns of?narrow-mindedness, fear, and incivility.??

Just as we cannot ignore these forces, we also?should not deny?our personal roles in?creating the climate in which we live.?The?way we engage with ideas,?one another, and our communities?shapes?our?culture;?so,?we cannot be surprised that?our own?bad habits?are tearing us apart.?

The scariest outcome of these cultural shifts is a rise in dehumanization. Across history, every major genocide, including those committed against innocent people in Rwanda, Germany, and Yugoslavia began with dehumanization in the media.?We should not underestimate the power of words, which are usually strong indicators of intent and precursors to action.?

It?is up to us to change the discourse. Yes, social media has made it more challenging?to have nuanced conversations grounded in empathy and curiosity,?as opposed to?judgement?and one-sidedness;?but even within these constraints,?we can?strive to overcome?our worst instincts with the knowledge that we are all fallible people who?mean well.?Ultimately,?we want?similar?things?like?freedom, safety, opportunity, and a better future for our children, who are inheriting the outcomes of our choices.??

We have different approaches to meeting our goals, but our differences?are?the source of our strength. It is upon these differences that America has achieved success where nations?corrupted?by hatred and division have failed.?Collaboration across perceived lines of divide fuels the marketplace of ideas and spurs innovation.??

If you feel ready for constructive change, you?are not alone.?Over 100 foremost leaders?have to come together?to use our daily habits to?improve ourselves and?transform our culture in the process.?Starts With Us is?creating the tools and exercises to help every one of us to collaborate with courage, relate with empathy, and approach the world with more curiosity. We kicked off this morning with a pledge in?USA Today, encouraging all of us to?disagree?better?with a ‘frenemy’ past or present.?Will you take the pledge and join us???

I hope you will?join the movement at?www.startswith.us?and follow Starts With Us here on LI.?Thank you for being with us for the start of this journey!?