The Only Way Out Is Through

I have spoken to many parents who have walked through the valley of deep tragedy, and there is one thread that ties their stories together, those who have found a way through did not avoid their suffering, but embraced it. The only way out is through. There is no shortcut, no hidden path that allows us to escape grief unscathed. To live is to suffer, but it is in suffering that we find meaning. And meaning, as elusive as it can seem, is the compass that guides us through the darkest of nights. Grief cannot be outrun, nor can it be ignored, for it will wait patiently at the door until we confront it. In the end, our only choice is to face it, to walk through it, and to emerge on the other side, not untouched, but transformed.

I have known many parents who, in the midst of unbearable pain, have chosen instead to numb themselves. They turn to distractions, to self-medication, to anything that dulls the sharp edges of their suffering. And I understand. The temptation to retreat from pain, to push it away, is all too human. But numbing, while it may dull the senses, does not remove the pain. It merely hides it in the shadows, waiting for another moment to strike. Pain demands to be felt, and when we avoid it, we deny ourselves the fullness of life. For to feel deeply, even to feel pain, is to be alive. And it is in that feeling, in allowing ourselves to cry, to rage, to grieve, that healing begins. Healing is not about "moving on", as if the ones we’ve lost could be left behind, but about moving with our pain, carrying it with us as we begin to live again, and perhaps even find joy once more.

It is often said that reason can lead us to great truths, but even the greatest minds on earth cannot speak to a broken heart. Grief is not a problem to be solved or a puzzle to be unraveled. It is an experience, raw and visceral, that must be lived. The mind alone cannot bring comfort to the soul in anguish, for it is love that speaks to the heart’s deepest wounds. And it is in love that we find the source of all hope, all faith, all meaning. Love is the language through which God speaks to us in our pain. In the depths of our suffering, we may encounter Him, not in grand revelations, but in the quiet whisper of His presence. In that place beyond the mind, we meet the One who knows our sorrow and walks beside us.

The father of quantum physics once said, "The first gulp from a glass of the natural sciences will make you an atheist, but at the bottom of the glass, God is waiting for you." So it is with grief. In the first rush of pain, it may seem that the world is meaningless, that God is silent, and hope is lost. But at the bottom of the glass, when we have drunk deeply of sorrow, we find that God was there all along. He is waiting for us in the depths of our pain, in the very place where we thought we were abandoned. And it is there, at the bottom, that we begin to understand the mystery of suffering, that it is not an end, but a beginning.

You will carry this grief for the rest of your life. There will be moments when the pain feels fresh, as if no time has passed at all. And that is okay. Grief is not a wound that time heals, but a companion that walks with us through life. But even in the deepest pain, there is a place for hope. For in the end, it is love that endures, and in love, we find the strength to carry on, to live, and to remember that even in suffering, there is grace.

All my love,

Hayden's Corner

Our film, ALMOST THIRTEEN, is free on Youtube. It may help you or a family you know. 2021 "Global Documentary of the Year"

https://youtu.be/JeoHM2_ntfw?si=cHnTN2CnMyPBrM96