The only person to compare yourself to is you.

One thing about getting more visible and getting “out there” in social media to share your message is that you may well feel suddenly swamped (my spell check tried to correct this to “shamed” which is also the case) by comparisons.

The only person to compare yourself to is you.

Are you happy with your health? Are you content with your level of fitness? Are you okay with how close to your dreams you got before taking another route?

Post Covid we are reshaping our lives after a big shock to the ego - who would have thought we’d be worrying about a plague in this day and age?

We got angry. We got frightened. We got overwhelmed.

These emotional roller-coasters are still playing out as the ripples only now slowly recede.

Good things happened and post George Floyd’s murder the consciousness about racism has been put front and centre in ways that never were so visible before.

Take some space to compare you to you in a loving and gentle way so that you can make your life richer, fuller and happier on your terms.

We seek community. We need community but when that comes from only toxic self-comparison to everyone and their mother, then it can get really painful.

If you are a creative and sensitive sol this is a tricky area. To be creative you need to be sensitive, you need to look east and west for new ideas.

Just take care to not enter overwhelm. Know when you need to draw in. Know when you need to rest, retreat, refrain and retract from the voices of the outer world.

We have seen recently what happens when this process of opening up and closing gets blocked by massive fame at a very young age.

Liam Payne’s tragic death laid bare a complicated life with an intense relationship to fame and all the pressures involved.

Perhaps the lesson to us all is to know how to distill and simplify.

Dealing with such massive fame so young, Payne possibly had few ways to help him to be himself outside of the relationship to others and their needs of him. Things can spiral and get complicated when relationships are tied up to things as fleeting as popularity.

I teach my clients how to do the self-care that enables them to hold a space for a larger message and a larger audience. Most of it is about building boundaries and having processes. It’s a learning curve. It’s not for nothing that communication can take it’s toll because it always has a certain risk factor. However it is possible to get better and better at holding that space for others whilst still being save.

It’s true that in social media judgements come thicker and faster than at any time with everyone typing away and having an opinion.

It is possible as a communicator to create a standpoint and a strong focus so that you know what to you “should” respond and react because you don’t have to have an answer for everyone and everything.

Technique for keeping it here and now

1. Breathe in for four.
2. Hold for four.
3. Breathe out for four.
4. Hold for four.

Keep moving around this square extending the amount of time as your lungs get stronger. This trains you to be able to speak longer phrases.

• Breathe in deeply - through nose and out of mouth on a long breath. Sense you are breathing “down” into your lungs. Not “up” - don’t let your shoulders move at all, it is your ribs swinging out to the side like an accordion that you are supposed to notice.
• Put your hands on your belly & feel how it rises as you breathe in and out.

Let the breath come in

Let the breath drop into the deepest part of your lungs

Let the breath settle into every part of you

Settle

Feel the fullness of your being

Expand and let the breath come in again

- and again

- and again - nothing to do, nowhere to go

Sense the pathway of your breath

• Your body welcomes each new breath. Your whole body reaches out to receive this breath
• Breath washes through you like cooling rain.Breath becomes sparkling water. Body becomes breath
• Breath opens space in the body

Fullness of being

With every breath the field of attention spreads to the present moment

Smiling

A certain simplicity - perhaps for a second

This won’t beat all situations but it certainly helps.

Happy breathing.

? Deborah Claire Procter

N.B. Inspired by my favourite movement and creativity books “A Widening Field: Journeys in Body and Imagination” by Miranda Tufnell & Chris Crickmay - excellent for arts practitioners. https://amzn.to/2QRzDLd

Reach out with questions and comments as I love hearing stories about your journey as a speaker, or to find out when my next online private sessions are starting up.

NB. Shortly there will be a workshop in London so email [email protected] for more information or PM me here in Linkedin or leave a comment and I'll message you.

Businesses owners come to Deborah to dig into finding a voice for their networking, branding and marketing, whilst discovering the powerful feeling of knowing how to express themselves on stage, in word, in print and in alignment. By optimizing their communication skills they intuitively expand their business in a positive and playful way.

Deborah set up the independent production company Clear Insight Productions in 1998 and continues to make performance and video work.

She is a proud Fellow of the Royal Society of the Arts.

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