The only parenting choice that matters
Next Big Idea Club
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The Next Big Idea Daily newsletter?(SUBSCRIBE)?is written by me,?Michael Kovnat, and gathers insights from today’s leading non-fiction authors. It’s a companion to our?Next Big Idea Daily?podcast, available on?Apple?or?Spotify.
I remember the anxiety attack I had in the Parenting section of Barnes & Noble in 2005. I was weeks away from becoming a first-time father, and it occurred to me that I'd better bone up. I didn't know what to expect when expecting. I didn't know how to have the happiest baby on the block. The only thing I knew for sure was that I better not screw this up. There was a human life at stake, after all, and for once it wasn't mine.
I might have breathed a little easier if Don't Trust Your Gut: Using Data to Get What You Really Want in Life had been on the shelves in 2005. That's the book in which data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz parses information from a bunch of child-rearing studies and determines that almost all of what parents worry about doesn't matter much in terms of their children's eventual success, with one key exception.
Hear the unexpected way to raise successful children:
It's only one of the surprises you find when you turn to big data to help you make life decisions. Seth also explains how you're probably focusing on the wrong things when dating, how there's a proven way to increase luck in your career, and how if you want an almost surefire way to feel happy, try having sex on a sunny day overlooking a body of water. OK, so maybe that last one isn't exactly surprising.
Over the years, I'm sure I made some good choices as a dad and some bad ones. What's weird is that in this case, the data supports trusting your gut. Since all styles of parenting seem to produce similar outcomes, you might as well employ one that feels comfortable to you — whether it's going full mean mom or free-range, being authentic to yourself probably matters as much as anything. That, and introducing your kids to some high-functioning adults.
In any case, that fetus I was fretting over in 2005? She's heading off to college in a few months, so I guess what's done is done, right? Whether it was by good data, gut instincts, or blind luck, she turned out awesome.
Next week
As the threat of another norm-breaking presidential election looms, I'll be talking to Monica Guzman about her book I Never Thought of It That Way: How to Have Fearlessly Curious Conversations in Dangerously Divided Times. Be prepared next time you have to talk to that one cousin of yours.
P.S.
Co-Founder, Editorial Director & VP of Finance at The Next Big Idea Club
1 年I happily agree with Rufus Griscom that it can be liberating to learn that most of what we do as parents doesn't matter all that much in the end. The flipside of this news is that how WE were parented is also less significant, which I find even more freeing. In my mid-20s I wasted six months of therapy whining about my how my parents messed me up (ironically, they were good parents!) I'll always obsess a bit too much about my kids, I'm sure, but it's a relief that data supports letting my parents off the hook.
I find the news that most of what we do as parents doesn't matter much kinda liberating ... is that a bad sign??!! I do love this notion, though, that selecting the right community (or communities ... I am thinking of my summer camp) which provide kids with a wide range of inspiring examples of what it looks like to be an adult has a big impact.
Realtor Associate @ Next Trend Realty LLC | HAR REALTOR, IRS Tax Preparer
1 年Thanks for sharing.