Only a mother-to-be would understand
I am going to give birth…….not right now, otherwise I would be on the gas and air or any other over the counter, bona fide maternity ward dealt drugs I could get my hands on……no – in about 6 months time.
So, like most normal people, I have decided to go with the general flow and have a baby shower (this term always makes me giggle as my sister – when she was younger of course, – thought that babies came out of the shower on hearing it, I didn’t have the heart to crush her with stories of storks and bushes). I really want this baby shower/celebration of the life I will be giving and also most importantly for my non preggers friends, any excuse for a party – albeit a contained, thoroughly respectable facade for an all-dayer.
I was full steam ahead in the quest for the baby shower Queen (or King) to help me organise my addled brain into some sort of pink/blue/white/lemon order. Now I am positive this is big business – I mean, you see these baby showers in the glossy magazines (with names like Hotter and Nearer, and for my mothers generation Women’s Spawn) (CHAS DONT THINK YOU CAN NAME ACTUAL MAGAZINES – SO THIS IS INSTEAD OF HEAT CLOSER AND WOMENS OWN – SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!!). I don’t want too glitzy an affair, as 1) I can’t afford it and 2) I can’t afford it (if I could it would be off the scale glitzy) – so my search began..
There I am trawling through the internet and after a couple of hours I come across (what I think is) the one that seems most suitable (well on her website she seems great, however I am not so enamoured by the company name – Shower & Sit (think Ive heard that before…?) Anyway the premise, as you can guess is they provide the baby shower and we just sit and enjoy.
I arrange an appointment with Shower & Sit’s main man (lady actually) Simone Malone (did she make that up? is this subliminal hypnosis by nomenclature?), she makes me feel totally at ease and says I hardly look pregnant – am a bit shocked as this is first time I really, honestly and truly do want to be recognised as not just being on the wrong side of chubby – moving on, she is lovely and has a very soft tone to her voice that puts me at ease (though in my mind i have Simone Malone , Simone Malone, Simone Malone on constant loop, whirring gently), mesmerising stuff.
We run through the theme – easy you may think, boy/ girl.. pink/blue – you may be wrong – Simone Malone throws me the curve ball of having a non-gender specific shower (I know, its hard not to envisage the changing rooms at the rugby club when the ladies and lads are playing….isnt it?) ….and by non gender specific she is not hinting at lemon or white in the least.
OH NO NO NOOO , she means RAINBOW! Yes, bloody RAINBOW colours…….of course I get her drift – and its all very well, but probably just a bit too much for me to consider, given its my first baby -thats enough to contend with in itself – but I am liking her thinking outside of the run of the mill traditional bo?te….She even throws in the idea of having a Rubiks cube cake – SHES A BLOODY GENIUS, A RUBIKS CUBE CAKE – the idea of the cake makes me have a simultaneous shoulder and eye twitch moment of consideration (even if its only to acknowledge her forward thinking and innovation in the baby shower shortlist of mine).
This is all a bit heady for me so I gently bring our meeting to a close (really I am ravenous and could do with a couple of (packets of) milk chocolate digestives and heaps of ice cold milk)….Simone Malone bids me goodbye and will send her quotation on to me (I am still dreaming about choccie digestives me) she tells me in her very gentle voice that even at this stage our collaboration has been a labour of love……oh how sweet…………sweet…….where are my biscuits……