‘The only journey is the one within.’

The moment I read this quote on @DavidMathew’s wall, I knew the reason for delay in sharing my experiences from the #leaninleadersconference2019, San Francisco. The #Leanin global conference for the #Leanin Regional leaders had ended in 3 days but the journey it initiated within me took almost 3 months to conclude and let me tell you it was an incredible one.

The whole experience of conference made me realize that I was externalizing my problems. The people and circumstances were incidental. The thing that was holding me back was my own self-limiting believes. These self-limiting believes were like monkeys. I had four monkeys jumping on and off my back.

The fight with these monkeys made me look deep within.

The first monkey #IAmNotGoodEnough came onto my back when Leaders were getting shortlisted for the conference. As a regional leader of #LeaninA2I – Aspire to Inspire network I was eligible for an invitation. But the monkey made me super hesitant in reaching out and saying that I wanted to join and learn. I felt – may be next year will be a better time to ask, I still have to prove my worth, may be its too early, may be they will reach out themselves.. I felt that I am not good enough. Until I saw @Vaishali Jain my dear friend and Leanin buddy do it. Her actions inspired me big time. I started to believe that I deserve it. With that strong belief I reached out to all my Leanin sisters and expressed my desire to join in and Lo! I got the invite in the last round. Which connection worked is still a mystery, but this monkey was past me ??.

Like all good things this feeling also did not last for long. Soon the oldest and the most stubborn monkey attacked me in hyper aggressive manner #MyFamilyWillNotApprove. Since the invite was last minute, I had exactly one month to do my Visa, ticket and travel planning. I had never travelled to US before. My husband and my parents were worried about the travel. All three of them dismissed the idea of travel at this short notice. Though my family had lots of love for me, they had little knowledge on #Leanin conference and associated benefits.

 Instead of asking my family for the final decision I dared to take it upon myself. I called two experts in the field before taking the final call.

1.      @RashmeetKaur – Leanin India leader, an uber independent women and student travelling to US /UK for higher studies – She knew the value coming out of the conference, she knew the process, agents and every other detail required for travel better than Google

2.      @AnujVaid – My current boss and industry veteran with heavy international exposure and futuristic thinking. We have been working together for last 11 years and he knew my family well. He asked me to break the problem and convert my husband to an ally first. And then use the “marwadi damad” power to convince my parents. To my surprise it worked like magic.

Along with these two, my whole network came to my rescue in making quick travel arrangements and convincing my family. I always quote “Network=Networth”. I felt that net-worth while dealing with this monkey. This network got created as part of my work and volunteering activities that I take up. This trip made me realize the importance of working for bosses who believe in my abilities and wonderful people that are added in my life because of volunteer work at #Leanin #DigitalFururists #IronLady. Doing volunteer work in my spare time connected me with amazing leaders like @SherylSandberg @RachelThomas @Rashmeet Kaur @HarvinderSinghMinhas @RajeshBhat.

 Visa arrived just three days before my date of travel. I packed my bags and boarded the flight. I landed and very smartly reached the venue only to meet the monkey number three #WhatDoIShare? All the ladies present were confident, successful and full of life. I was enjoying the energy of the group. From Business ideas to Ted Talk to Sustainability to Inspiring life stories of struggle, people had such unique things to share. After the initial meet and greet I was clueless. I didn’t know what to share with them. My life seemed very ordinary and effortless as compared to theirs. At this moment of huge doubt, came - Dr Bertice Berry for my rescue.

She gave an amazing talk and explained ‘how we are all connected by our stories.’ That moment I learned - ‘the only way to reach out and connect with people is to share our story. We are all connected with our stories’. Just by hearing this the monkey went off my back. I opened. Shared my childhood stories, my parenting challenges, my family stories, my professional goals and my purpose in life. I poured my heart out and made so many amazing friends for life in a single day. It changed me as a person for ever.

@SineadSharkySteenson @LidiaZabala @ElisSalamone @SusanElford @FlorenceLeung @JeisErickson @PreetiGuruswamy @AnchalMakkar @LindaBrandt @PaigeSholar @AzraSyed

I learnt that I need to take more chances, let my kids take more chances and let the worries rest in peace. The worry is out of fear and fear has nothing to do with rational thinking. For the most part whatever I have been afraid of has never even come to pass. Fear is like-

F - False

E - Events

A - Appearing

R - Real

So, I learnt that it is best not to operate in that space of fear and block most amazing experiences required for living a fuller life. 

I came back to Bangalore after a week and finally met the last monkey. It was the scariest one. #SocialApproval. After I came back, the news about my travel was like wildfire. Almost all my colleagues knew about my involvement at Leanin and my passion for women empowerment. First most of them appeared curious and wanted to know more. The moment I started to explain that Leanin is about women empowerment and advancing women in their careers the trolling started.

From comments like: “You girls are eating up our jobs” and “Go help the poor not urban ladies” to hate messages, to naming the whole initiative a page 3 activity – all came my way. It kind of froze me. I felt very disgusted and very disappointed. I never expected such strong negative comments. I took time off social media.

This off time, doubled my strength. I got connected my “Why”, my reason of reaching out to so many ladies and my reason for making a difference.

I wanted each lady on this earth to feel safe, respected and loved. I want to create a safe space for sharing. I want ladies to be #unapologeticallyAmbitious. I believe in power of networking and #sisterhood. Hence, I had started this circle. I want many more women to rise and shine. I want a better tomorrow. I believe that it takes only one person to make a difference. I believe in role models and @SherylSandberg is my role model.

Thank you @RashmeeKaur @SanyaKhurana @ShefaliSonpar @SubaLakshami @RashmiVallabhajosyula @ThejaswiniMuralidhara @NikitaSengar @VaishaliJain @ApurvaPrakash @NimishGupta, @SunilMenon, @AgnidiptaSarkar, and @TomThomas for your unconditional support. I am all set to take on the trolling.

I have dared to share my journey with you all as I want to extend a hand.

If you are looking for a safe space to be #UnapologeticallyAmbitious, to aspire high, to reach your full potential, to inspire others, to share your story please feel free to join our circle……

https://www.facebook.com/groups/489304314846876