Online Dating Help For Men- 5 Critical Steps To Get It Right

Tim, a youthful 60-something man, came to me for coaching, just as the stamp on his divorce

papers was barely dried. It had been a long time since he dated and he was unsure how to

proceed. He knew that I had success helping men and women with their dating, especially

helping with online dating.

During our coaching, I took him through several steps to help him find love again. These steps

ultimately led him to find his current life partner.

Here are 5 of the most important steps I teach to help men with online dating:

1. Get clear on your life vision and goals before even dating.

Where do you want to live? Are you working or retired? Do you want to get married or

have a life partner? It’s important to have this clarity so you can communicate this vision

to a potential partner online and even in person.

If you want to live in the country on an idyllic lake, and the other person wants to be in

the middle of the city, then that will take some compromise. Often, one person is willing

to be more flexible than the other to make it work.

When Mike met Jean, he told her that it was his dream to move to Florida. Not

everyone is willing to pick up their life, family and friends, and move somewhere else. So

it’s important to be upfront and share your life vision with those you date. Most people

do not do well with wishy-washy people. So the the better you can communicate your

life vision, the greater the chances to connect with someone who shares this.

2. Have a good sense of your deal breakers and must-haves.

Do you like pets? Can you live with a cat? Would you tolerate a social drinker? Do you

prefer to stay home or go out in the evening? Do you want to travel the world or would

you prefer to stick to your state and surrounding areas? With online dating for men, I

help my clients learn how to communicate to a potential partner what they need to be

happy in a relationship.

With Deal Breakers or Must Haves, you have to be careful that you are not restricting

your search with the wrong criteria. One of my clients said he wouldn’t date a woman

who was under 5’4”. This could cut out a very nice woman who has everything else he

was looking for. I moved this to the “Would Like” column and helped him search for

such a woman, without cutting out women who might have been a bit taller.

3. Make sure your online photos reflect your best self.

I can’t tell you how many times I see “meh” photos of men that I know look better in

person. They wear a baggy sweatshirt, a poor-fitting shirt, or a sweater vest that

reminds someone of Mr. Rogers! You don’t have to be a model from GQ, however, you

do need to be neat and presentable. Try to wear flattering colors and styles. No one

expects perfection, however, when a woman looks at your profile, you want her to say,

“He looks cute!”. My top online dating tip to help men is telling them not to skimp on

the photos. This is the window a woman will look through to see if she wants to get to

know more about you.

If you are unsure about your looks or about how best to present yourself, enlist the help

of a trusted female friend or family member. Have them review your outfit choices or go

shopping with you. It might be worth investing in some new wardrobe pieces, that still

feel like you, to update your style a bit.

If you’re serious about finding love online, it’s worth investing in a professional online

dating photographer as well!

4. Be willing to write an actual message to a woman of interest.

Doing this well will set you head and shoulders above other men on the site. You need

to be able to answer the question, “Why did you pick me?” when you first reach out. I

teach my clients about the 3 sentence email that works well to get a woman to respond.

Here you want to make note of something that she wrote in her profile that made you

take an interest.

Note that I said something she “wrote” about, not how good her profile picture looks.

Focus on the thing that drew your attention, that you are curious about, or that you

think you may have in common, and ask her an engaging question about it. Remember

to bring your curiosity. The fact that you make the effort will get you better results and

increase the chance that a woman will respond.

5. Understand pacing and what women truly want.

The last tip to help men with online dating is to not rush into a relationship too fast.

Take the time to get to know the woman. Show your interest, but have enough respect

to allow her to pace and share her comfort level. However, if you go too slow and show

no actual romantic interest, you’ll be put in the friend category and you don’t want that

either! Make your heart clear, but without the pressure.

And how in the heck do you know what a woman truly wants? Each one is different and

requires the two of you to take the time to get to know one another. Just stay curious,

learn to truly listen, and she’ll tell you what she wants.

With a little help and tweaking of your approach, finding love online for men is possible!

Some of these tips may be subtle changes to your current process. But by faithfully applying

them, and keeping yourself honest, vulnerable, and curious, you will have better success with

both online dating and your future relationships. You will be able to attract the right woman

who appreciates you and wants to build a life with you.

To learn more about the Motivated to Marry methodology to online dating and how to create

a profile that attracts you, you can grab my checklist at www.mtmonlinedatingchecklist.com.