THE ONION SAVES JOURNALISM FROM EXTINCTION WITH RETURN OF PRINT EDITION
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: ?
August 16, 2024
CHICAGO, August 16, 2024— After 11 long years, The Onion announced today its triumphant return to print, releasing a physical newspaper considered to be the sole reason the ailing field of journalism will continue to exist.
The monthly print edition, rumors of which have already supercharged morale in depressing newsrooms around the world, will be available exclusively to readers who enroll in The Onion’s new membership program at membership.theonion.com .?
“In an act of staggering generosity without comparison in human history, America’s Finest News Source is stepping up and throwing journalism a lifeline,” said an executive at Global Tetrahedron, the latest opaque corporate entity to acquire The Onion. “This member-exclusive print edition of The Onion is a return to the tactile, back-to-basics format our most loyal readers have refused to shut up about, and it’s an inspiration to an entire profession that had, until now, totally lost its way.”
“And if, in the course of rescuing journalism from itself, The Onion grows into the most profitable media outlet in history, we’ll be okay with that,” added the executive.
领英推荐
While the print edition of The Onion will be available only to paying subscribers, the digital version will remain completely free of charge until such time as upper management has the desire to gorge itself on additional revenue.
About The Onion
The Onion is the world’s leading news publication, offering highly acclaimed, universally revered coverage of breaking national, international, and local news events. Rising from its humble beginnings as a print newspaper in 1756, The Onion now enjoys a daily readership of 4.3 trillion and has grown into the single most powerful and influential organization in human history.
About Global Tetrahedron
Little is known about Global Tetrahedron .
Director of Communications at Office of Oregon Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum
1 周Done!
Want forever impact? ?? #DropTheDrone: Human-toned Resume Writer ?? Conversational Copywriter ?? Mends broken careers, snuffs sales slumps, slays brand schisms ??
1 个月Grew up with MAD ... bring on The Onion, I say.
Produced Screenwriter|Songwriter|World Famous Airport Runway Model|TV Non-Personality
2 个月I'm finding it increasingly difficult to distinguish between satire and reality. Thanks to the Onion I'm still confused but for some reason just assume it's a satirical platform (?) ?? ??♂?
Journalist
3 个月The about page for Global Tetrahedron is art
Co Publisher and General Manager at Provincial Media
3 个月Bravo …. We love print