The Ong sisters on the sweetest and challenging parts of motherhood
Inland Revenue Authority of Singapore (IRAS)
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Ahead of Mother’s Day this weekend, sisters and colleagues Jessica and Jocelyn share their pearls of wisdom on motherhood – including their take on tackling “mum guilt” and more.
A cosy cafe. Great coffee. Family time. That's what?Jocelyn plans?to do to celebrate Mother’s Day this year. Her older sister Jessica, however, wishes to indulge herself with a picnic at the beach.
While the close-knitted duo has contrasting ideas on what makes a perfect day, they are much more similar than they think, making it easy to relate and seek advice from each other.
HAPPY EARLY MOTHER'S DAY! WHAT'S YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SISTER LIKE GROWING UP?
JOCEYLN: I’ve always been the younger sister who’s doted on by my Jie and she’s my safe space. When I was a cry-baby in primary school, she would come down during my recess time to give me moral support. When I fractured my leg during a volleyball match, she rushed down to the A&E to be with me. Whenever I’m upset, she brings me to nice places to eat. I’m a very blessed younger sister.?
JESSICA: Despite our?6-year age gap, I’m thankful that we have a close relationship and could always relate to each other.?Jocelyn has always been thoughtful and mature for her age and often acts as my “voice of reason” (especially when we are out shopping). But she’ll always be a baby sister to me.
SHARE WITH US ABOUT YOUR IRAS JOURNEY AND WHAT IS IT LIKE TO BE COLLEAGUES WITH YOUR SISTER?
JESSICA: It’s comforting to know that your sister is just an IM or a few floors away. IRAS is my first job since graduation, and I’d like to think that I’m one of the major influences in getting my younger sister to join IRAS.?I remember bringing my sister to the IRAS Family Day in USS more than a decade ago and fast forward to today, it’s quite surreal to have brought our families to the recent Family Day at Downtown East.
Despite our?6-year age gap, I’m thankful that we have a close relationship and could always relate to each other.?
JOCEYLN: I started out at the Big 4 after graduating and joined IRAS shortly after. Although we don’t work together, it’s nice to have someone to share the ups and downs of work with.?I recall my sister bought me a bouquet of flowers after I completed my role as the sports secretary many years back. It’s also lovely to check out new lunch spots together.
WHAT DOES MOTHERHOOD MEAN TO YOU? DO YOU THINK IT HAS CHANGED YOU?
JOCEYLN: Motherhood has been an amazing journey. I find it fulfilling and cherish the times when the kids are young – and I’m still high up in their “cool people” list. I hope to be able to help them develop into the best versions of themselves and that must start with me.
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IRAS' hybrid working arrangement has been a huge enabler for me to score more face time with the kids.
JESSICA: Same for me! Besides having to change parts of my lifestyle (such as lazing in bed), I became more self-conscious of my own behaviour as kids pick up on the smallest actions to copy, from my sitting posture to saying “omg” aloud. It can be exhausting but rewarding to see your child finding his own way in the world and demonstrating the values you believe in.
UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES DO YOU STRUGGLE WITH "MUM GUILT" AND WHAT ADVICE DO YOU HAVE FOR FELLOW MUMS WHEN IT COMES TO ALLEVIATING THESE NEGATIVE FEELINGS?
JOCEYLN: The most trying times are when they fall sick. That’s when I question myself whether it’s a sound decision to have started sending them to school so early on. "Mum guilt" used to eat me up quite a bit, but I’ve learnt that it is normal and it’s impossible to eliminate such feelings completely. It’s all part of the process and that shift in perspective has been useful.
I also speak to other fellow mums to see what they might do under similar circumstances and follow many parenting accounts on Instagram to find out useful parenting tips that I can connect with.?
"Mum guilt" used to eat me up quite a bit, but I’ve learnt that it is normal and it’s impossible to eliminate such feelings completely.
JESSICA: Truthfully, there can be so many triggers. But I have come to realise that it’s a balance of what I want to achieve for my child and myself. There are times when I give my 100% attention to my son, but I also explain to him that I must work (just like he has to go to school) to let him understand that he’s not being ignored or neglected. But it’s easier said than done as it’s easy to feel guilt-tripped by my son’s words, especially when he is feeling down. So, it’s a constant effort to remind myself as well.
HOW HAS IRAS' HYBRID WORKING ARRANGEMENT HELP YOU STRIKE A BALANCE BETWEEN WORK AND PARENTHOOD?
JOCEYLN: The hybrid working arrangement has been a huge enabler for me to score more face time with the kids. I’m grateful to be able to send them to school almost every day and save on commuting time to and from the office.
JESSICA: It has allowed me to be more physically present for my child and build a more solid bond with him during the first few years of his life.?
WHAT'S THE SWEETEST PART OF MOTHERHOOD TO YOU?
JOCEYLN: I find it very endearing when the kids show that they are thinking of me, such as wanting to buy coffee at the supermarket, knowing that I would enjoy it.
JESSICA: When your child is your personal cheerleader, any bad day is always uplifted with a cheeky grin, bright smile or sweet “I love you Mummy!”.
By Sharon Salim