No One's Just a Problem to Be Solved

There’s only two things that I’m 100% certain about:

1) I don’t have everything figured out.

2) I am going to die someday.

The fact that I mentor people, host workshops, or teach about change and personal growth doesn’t mean that I have all the answers. I certainly don’t.

I’ve learned much in my life and also throughout my career. The most important lessons I’ve learned are: I am not entitled to an easy life; life is difficult sometimes; opinion isn’t reality; and personal responsibility precedes empowerment.

Sometimes things don’t work out. Sometimes we have to let people down. Sometimes people die. Sometimes we don’t get what we want. Sometimes people are unhappy with us. Sometimes the world changes abruptly.

Life is like a dance and it always takes two people to tango. It is better to be self-aware than unaware.

Realising that it’s OK when things don’t work has been a lifesaver for me. I used to carry the weight of the world while doing my best to ‘take as many people on the journey’ as possible. I used to take responsibility for other people’s problems.

I’m not a problem to be solved (you are not either).

Most of us were raised to believe there’s something inherently wrong with us. Most educational, religious, and psychological approaches operate under the premise that people have a problem (either sin or a form of neuroticism) that needs to be cured.

This idea—that people are broken (and thus, need fixed)—has undermined human growth and the potential of development for generations of people now, for many, many years.

Since the dawn of religion, people were just wicked sinners who needed saved.

Since the dawn of psychiatry, people have mental illness and need cured.

Is it really so hard to understand why many people today have little or no self-esteem—having been told by people in positions of authority how damaged, broken, or insufficient they are?

Yes, the times have changed and the wording of this message has changed (slightly), but the cruel and compassionless undertone remains the same:

“I would rather categorise you than understand you.”

What do you think might happen throughout society if we (i.e. YOU) only spoke to people’s capacity to grow—instead of speaking to their flaws, feelings, behaviours, and imperfections?

And what might have been different about YOUR life if people from your past had spoken more to YOUR capacity to grow—instead of to your flaws, behaviours, feelings, and imperfections?

Your answers to these questions can not only change your life, but they may also be the answers you need to redefine how you view those around you.

When we tap into our ability to see things from a growth mindset, we're no longer confined by our flaws, we're empowered by our never-ending capacity to grow.

For more great insights, you can find Kain Ramsay's new book Responsibility Rebellion on Amazon.

Kain Ramsay is the top-ranked psychology and personal growth instructor at Udemy and founder of Achology.com, an academy devoted to teaching modern methods and principles of applied psychology. Known for his trademark teaching style, Kain delivers highly sought-after programs that include Mindfulness, Life Coaching, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. In 2018, he partnered with world-renowned author Gerard Egan to produce an online adaptation of Egan’s international bestselling book, The Skilled Helper.