One year since my heart attack - a reflection of what I have learnt

I am FINALLY in a good space. What a year! No words can actually describe my roller coaster of feelings that I have experienced but, in a nutshell, the emotional and psychological journey I have been on are something I hope re-assures others in a similar situation, that you can and WILL get through it.

April 4th, 2022 was a life changing day. It is still hard, even to today, to comprehend that I had a heart attack at 54. Who me?!?! As I utter the words from my mouth, I still think OMG, how and what just happened. Reflecting on my journal’s recording of events and re-visiting the emotions experienced is without a doubt, tough, tear-jerking reading. But reflecting on what I experienced is such a necessity to be able to move forward.

The first few months were spent with the re-occurring trauma that I nearly wasn’t here, and I had to stare the idea of mortality right in the face. For some this may be an easy feat and see it as the circle of life, but for me I was not ready to go anywhere yet! Recollections of sitting in the corridors of ??????A & E, without any idea of what was going on still haunt me, but I now have put coping mechanisms in place. The prospect of not being around for my three sons, after throwing my whole heart and soul into raising them into fine young men and missing out on their journey of life, is sometimes too much to bear. But as a family, as a unit, we all got through it. The trauma is still felt by every one of us, each dealing with it in our own way.

As the months continued, each pang and twinge of the body meant a visit to the GP, each time to be told that I was ok and there were no signs of anything else going on in my heart. Those moments were SO tough, full of panic. I would even go so far as to say it took me about nine months for the panic attacks to start to disappear - playing calming music at night to help me sleep was a very reliable method to know that as long as I could hear the music, I was still alive and breathing.

The support network around me was crucial for the journey. My family and friends didn’t allow me to trip or fall. They carried me through the tears, the anger, the sadness, the numbness, the panic. The Cardiac support groups, rehabilitation, my work family, doctors, nurses & counsellors were all part of the journey of recovery too. Loved ones on shifts to be close to me, the cards in the post, the messages on social media that meant so much, flowers and gifts turning up at home, the list goes on. I will NEVER forget those who propped me up in life when I so needed it.

There were one or two people in my life that sadly didn’t show up. I begrudgingly mention it, I feel that if I don’t mention it, it didn’t happen, or I can brush it under the carpet. But it did so it is important for me to be honest with the whole experience - the good, the bad and the ugly. But let’s not dwell on it, not for today at least, whilst I celebrate my monumental year anniversary.??

I feel strong again, ready to tackle the world, ready for new opportunities, back to my exercising and feeling the wind again on my face when I go for a jog. Playing with my magical grandchildren, absorbed in my wellbeing what’s app groups, planning holidays, travelling, girlie weekends, pampering sessions, dining out with friends, learning new breathing techniques, exploring every option in life available. Because life is for living right? Too right it is!

So, what have I learnt?

·??????Spend time with the people who matter the most. Don’t put things in your diary because you think you must. You spend the time doing what YOU want to do

·??????Look after your health. Regularly check your blood pressure readings & cholesterol – these things are indicators of potential future heart/health issues. If I had known mine, these could have been controlled and my heart attack would more than likely have not occurred

·??????Learn what your boundaries are and be true to yourself. Do things that make you happy

·??????Always be learning “If knowledge is power, curiosity is the muscle”

·??????To be loved and to love, is what gets us through anything. As Forrest Gump says "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."?

·??????AND MOST IMPORTANTLY really, truly live in the moment. Soak up the memories, get off your phones and take it all in.

If anyone wants to reach out and chat about concerns for you or a loved one or perhaps you have experienced something similar, I would love to hear from you. My door is always open ??