One Year into the 3rd Part of Life

Today, December 13, 2023, is the first anniversary of my parting from Brown & Brown, Inc. and the beginning of my journey into the third part of life. It has been an amazing year and its own pot of gumbo of reflection, anxiety, peace, liberation, uncertainty, adventure, hope, learning, love, and anticipation.

I recently had lunch with a friend and fraternity brother who reconnected with me through LinkedIn.? He was preparing for his own career transition, and we talked about our respective thoughts about the future. We agreed that “retirement” was a foreign concept and that this next stage of life was anything but a move to a beachside condo and a daily routine of pickleball (not that there’s anything wrong with that lifestyle :)).?

Like the two of us, I bet many of you out there are going through their own career and life transitions and maybe our experiences can provoke some thought and provide a bit of comfort.?

We are all on our own journeys in life. It is always helpful to have someone share some of the twists and turns on the path to those following behind. Here’s the first hard and fast rule: The only constant is change. Change is also damned difficult.

Here are a few of my personal observations and realizations in this period of career and life transition. I’d love to know some of yours.

• You are not your job.? I have watched and learned by the example of others to keep an identity outside of your job or career.? Be a good spouse. A good parent. A good citizen. Keep your faith in God and providence.? Too many people, especially in the United States, are psychologically decimated and emotionally crushed when forced to separate from a job or career.? Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and despair push people into dark depression.? They lose their sense of self and worth.? “Never become your job” should be a daily mantra to guard against the vicissitudes of business.
• Fully commit to your career with dogged discipline, but always be ready to pivot.? Devote yourself and develop skills that make yourself highly successful and productive in your career.? Use those skills and experiences to help others rise.? All the while, make sure that you can pivot to other ventures, careers, and opportunities and take your skills and experience with you.? Like world-class athletes, compete every day at the highest level but know when it is time to leave the field or change your jersey.?
• Deal with the stages of grief and be kind to yourself.? In 1969, a Swiss-American psychiatrist named Elizabeth Kübler-Ross wrote in her book “On Death and Dying” that grief could be divided into five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.? When you spend over half your life working for the same company, parting is its own kind of death.? No matter how tough you think you are, or how prepared you believe yourself to be, you will have your bouts with each stage of grief in your journey.? Deal with it!? The faster you come to the stage of acceptance, the faster you can find true spiritual liberation and peace.?
• You will be surprised by who reaches out and who doesn’t.? American columnist Walter Winchell, once said, a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. One of my heroes, the recently departed Jimmy Buffett, also said, “if the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.” One of the most interesting observations in making my career transition was who was there, and who wasn’t.? #ArthurBrooks brilliantly divides friendships between “real” friends and “deal” friends.? True friends are “real friends” and stay with you in good times and bad. "Deal friends” are with you while there is some transactional benefit to them and are quick to disappear when your usefulness is diminished. Cultivate your relationships and devote yourself to your “real friends.”
• Whether you jump or get a little shove, a soft landing doesn’t diminish the terror of falling off the roof of the building. The proverbial “golden parachute,” comfortable severance arrangement, or careful retirement plan will not magically eliminate the anxiety of your parting. We should all expect to be treated with decency and respect regardless of the financial sweetener. It’s like suddenly being uninvited to the family’s Thanksgiving dinner but receiving several years of Boston Market gift cards. The turkey and sides at Boston Market are outstanding, and probably far superior to what your family eats, but you still miss the family dinner.?
• Career change is not a solo trip - your spouse and family come along for the ride. Too often, people tend to shrink into isolation and a me-against-the-world personalization of their work identity. Remember, your spouse and family have been with you in the good times, and they are with you at the jumping off point. Don’t underestimate the emotional trauma and mental stress that a career transition puts on your spouse or loved ones.
• Get ready for the third part of life. In his book, “Falling Upward: A spirituality for the two halves of life,” Father Rohr divides your statistical average of 79.11 years on this earth in two halves. According to Rohr, the first half is about building, earning an education, starting a career, a home and having kids. In the second half of life, Rohr says you have arrived and must decide what to do with all that you accumulated in the first half of life. Regardless of your faith, this was a beautiful way of framing life – but I respectfully suggested my own revision to Father Rohr’s thesis. I submit that life is split into three parts:o Part I: Education. What I previously described as “Learning” in Part I has now been modified to “Education” because learning should be a lifelong endeavor. Education is the formalistic credentialing modality that we endure in the first part of our lives. You are developing your character, worth ethic, study habits, earning your education. Education is importantly inside and outside the classroom. This phase might last until you’re 25 or 30 years old.o Part II: Building. You are building on Phase I, devoting all your learning, work ethic, etc. into building a family, a career, a home, all based upon Part I.o Part III: Fulfillment. This part of life is characterized by self-fulfillment and the fulfillment of others. Taking the first two parts of life, how can you make a difference in yourself, your family, your community, and your world??Now, how can you pay it forward?After following my new guru, Arthur Brooks, and thinking critically about my thesis and still hold to the tripartite structure. I now call this wonderful and exciting “Fulfillment” part of life “3P.”
• Find a 3P guide.? There are plenty of guides who can help you plunge into 3P. As previously mentioned in my posts, I was fortunate enough to find Arthur Brooks, author of “Strength to Strength,” and Father Richard Rohr’s daily meditations.? You also need to reach out to “real friends” outside of your family circle, who will be tremendously helpful in keeping your head screwed on tight and reminding you constantly about what is truly important in life.
• ?Modulate the timing of 3P.? You will encounter a natural psychological tug-of-war with timing of 3P and the next stage of your life. On the one hand, you want and deserve a break.? Perhaps for the first time in your life, you have the health, wealth, and time for yourself and your family. Not only should you take advantage of this time, you absolutely must without regret or second-guessing. However, if you plan on getting back to business in some way, you need to keep your oar in the water. In other words, don’t disappear completely or stay out of business and social connections for too long. The business world, where time is money, may forget about you sooner than you think.
• Knowing what you don’t want is more important than what you do want.? Make a list with two columns – the first column being what you might be interested in doing and the second column being what you have no interest in doing. Unless financial circumstances force you to take the first job opportunity that passes under your nose, use your list to form your plan for 3P that avoids vexatious, tedious, and unproductive endeavors.
• Focus on the windshield, not the rear-view mirror. I recall the coaching admonition to players in college football – NEXT PLAY! If a quarterback throws an interception, he needs to shake it off and concentrate on the next series. NEXT PLAY! If a cornerback tips an underthrown pass that lands into the eager hands of a wide receiver for a touchdown, he needs to forget it and think about the rest of the team. NEXT PLAY! Dwelling on the past is a wasteful spiral of despair and anxiety. You can’t change the past, but you have a great chance to change your future. Keep focused forward, look through the windshield, and throw the rear-view mirror out the window. And then you’re ready for the NEXT PLAY!
• From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded. Luke 12:48 becomes a commandment in 3P. Figure out how you can give back to your business, your industry, your community, your alma mater, and your family. A career full of experiences and lessons were not meant to be shelved in a library or museum. Rather, they should be used to help those around you and behind you in their journey. Pay it forward.

I am truly excited and energized about 3P. There is no such thing as “retirement” if you can find fulfillment in the 3P. ?

Good luck and Godspeed on your 3P journey!