One word to avoid an argument…

May has finally arrived!

Without a doubt, May is my favourite month of the year, where happiness feels like it comes more effortlessly.

My partner and I had a much needed weekend away in beautiful?Polzeath in our campervan at the beginning of May.? I love being by the sea and the campsite we go to is on the cliff so as I'm drinking my morning cup of tea I can watch the early-bird surfers catching waves before it gets busy - bliss!? The sunsets aren't bad either...

I find that weekends away are great for getting perspective on what's working and not working in my life and, even though my partner would prefer that I didn't spring deep and meaningful conversations on him, I like to make the most of the opportunity of having his full attention!?

I wanted to share with you a tweak that I've made to the language I use in conversations with him because it's been incredibly helpful and I hope it might help you too.??

Tweaking our language to avoid an argument

Have a read through these two sentences and as you do notice carefully the different thoughts and feelings that come up.?

"I love that we have separate?interests but I feel like we don't spend enough quality time together".

"I love that we have separate?interests and I feel like we don't spend enough quality time together".

What I notice in myself is that when I'm on the receiving end of the first sentence, it?gets my back up.? The bit I focus on is everything after the 'but' and I can find myself getting defensive.? The 'but' makes me feel like there is something I've done wrong.? When the 'but' is switched for an 'and' the first part of the sentence isn't dismissed in my mind and I feel more open to conversation.

You can apply the same principle to the workplace, particularly?when it comes to feedback.? Saying something like "That's a really interesting idea AND I'm wondering how we might fund it" may land better, and lead to a broader conversation than "That's a really interesting idea BUT I'm wondering how we might fund it."

Intrigued?? I've recorded a short video to explain what I love about the word?and

Expanding?our thinking with?and

New ME Time Podcast episode

In this episode Jane and I chat about this idea of using 'and'. We also catch up on the challenges we've set ourselves and explore ideas to help one of our listeners cope with the challenge of having an operation.

I would love to know your thoughts on the ideas I've presented here so please do drop me a message.

Hazel

#wellbeing #resilience #leadership #coaching #podcast