The one where I go back to work . . .

I recently celebrated my first year “back to work”. I use the phrase celebrated quite loosely, since the day passed like any other day and most of the celebration was really in my head. So while uneventful in theory, it did mean a milestone achievement for me.

In order to explain, I need to go back a few years. Actually more like half-a-decade. As some of you reading this might know, I took a rather lengthy break from the world of professional work a few years ago - 2013 to be precise. I switched gears, moved to India with my family and decided to be a stay-at-home dad. It wasn't something that I'd planned. But eventually, that's where I ended up.

I call that phase of my life - 'self-discovery'. Despite having been in a decent professional role, I often felt that I was stuck in a rut. You know, going through the motions; spinning the hamster wheel, or whatever fancy terminology we use to describe that lack of motivation that is so often associated with this phase of life. It was not an easy decision to take and if it wasn't for the support of my wife, I probably would never have done it. It was, and not to be overly dramatic here, my 'jump-off-a-cliff-into-the-sea-below' moment. And I had no bloody clue how to swim.

However, as most of us know, when faced with the decision to swim or drown, our natural instincts kick in. We kick our legs furiously while trying to stay afloat. Over the next five years, I spent considerable time balancing (well, trying to anyway) the different roles - that of a father, husband and a wannabe professional writer amongst others. I learned things that I never thought I would and developed skills that would prove useful in the years to come. But at no point did I consider going back. Back to the 'professional' workforce, so to speak. Truth be told - I was starting to rather enjoy the 'go with the flow' phase of life.

But such is the topsy-turvy nature of life. Sometimes, you have to make decisions that you never thought you'd have to. Deciding to go back to full-time employment was one of those decisions I had to take. So in 2018, I decided it was time to move back. And one year on, while I can certainly say that I did enjoy the freedom of the 'freelance life' and the flexibility of managing my own projects, the last year has certainly equipped me with a whole new set of skills that I probably wouldn't have learned otherwise.

Most of all, I've realised that two of the things that I missed quite so dearly when moonlighting as a freelance professional are the camaraderie of the workplace and of course, the stability of a regular income. And trust me, the latter part is such a relief.

So it is with a heavy heart, I've come to my final conclusion - and even as I'm partially ashamed to admit this, it still has to be said. I'm just not organised enough to be successful as a freelance professional or perhaps even an entrepreneur. I enjoy the creative freedom that freelancing brings, but prefer to have peers around to brainstorm and help mould it into something even better. My project management skills are still pretty sound - but I'm also perhaps way too laid back to run my own business successfully. And that's okay. Not everything is for everyone.

And sometimes you just need to go down both paths to figure out which one is right for you.

PS: I still freelance, but it's certainly a relief to not have to rely on it entirely. And that freedom to choose without having to worry too much about the financial aspects - well, that's good for laid-back people like me.