The One Where Chandler Dies

On Sunday, October 29, actor Matthew Perry was found dead in a hot tub at his California home. Perry is best known for his recurring role as the handsome, insecure wisecracking Chandler Bing on the sitcom “F.R.I.E.N.D.S” which ran for ten years.?

Oddly, it wasn’t from FRIENDS that I became aware of Perry, but rather via a movie starring Perry and Salma Hayek in which Perry played a young, rising project manager (Alex Whitman) with a New York Real Estate Development company who gets sent to Las Vegas to oversee a project. While there, he encounters a young Mexican woman (Hayek- Isabel Fuentes), has a one-night affair, and gets her pregnant. When she finds out, she tells him that she realizes that marriage is out of the question, but she asks him to go home to Mexico with her to meet her parents so that when thew baby comes, they will have met the father. He goes, falls in love and they get married. After several months of wedded bliss, New York comes a-calling and Alex is offered the opportunity of a lifetime but has to return to New York. Things go rapidly south in the marriage. Isabel thinks Alex’s career is more important to him than their marriage, so she fakes a miscarriage, goes home to Mexico and files for divorce. Upon his return, Alex becomes progressively depressed and eventually goes back to Mexico to find his love.?

I loved the movie, although I found its premise completely unbelievable. I mean, given the opportunity to become a big time Real Estate Developer or sleep with Salma Hayek every night, what heterosexual male human being would ever choose the first option??

Still, I loved the movie, bought it, and have watched it often over the years.?

The next time I saw Perry was on a business trip. I was watching TV in my room, and I joined an episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S- The One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break. I don’t know what I was doing with my life between 1994 and 2004, but I had never seen a single episode of the iconic sitcom. Naturally (as often happens on the road), the episode I joined in progress was the first of a two-part story, and I found myself sucked in and out of town, not knowing what the outcome was.?

Naturally, I did what everyone does nowadays (this was in 2021). I found a place where I could access the series and binge-watched all 236 episodes consecutively.?

When I commit, I commit.?

Upon completing the series, I (1) had become a total F.R.I.E.N.D.S-ophile (my cell phone ring is now the theme song of the series), (2) Realized that Chandler Bing, Alex Whitman and Matthew Perry had a lot of similarities and (3) that the character I was most like was Chandler. We both cover up our insecurities by making jokes and wisecracks about others to keep people from seeing how inept we are. We both feel unworthy, unwanted, and insecure. We both want to be loved, but have learned that if you can’t be loved, you can at least get attention. At times we both seemed to be on a path of self-destruction but managed to right the ship.?

And we both care about others.?

After years of struggles with addiction, Perry seemed to have made it through the wall that held him back. He dedicated his life to helping others who faced the challenges that nearly killed him.?

Then came the final episode- The One Where Chandler Dies.?

For all of us who loved the series, it was a crushing blow. You’re not supposed to die at 53. But the blow was bittersweet: A kind human being who had battled his own frailties, failures and fears made it to the other side having left the world a better place for millions and millions of people.?

What more could anyone ask?