One Way to Fight Loneliness at Work: Don't Wait to Be Empathetic

The other day I had a moment that changed everything for me. It was the end of a long workweek and, without realizing it, I'd let several small issues turn into something bigger. I didn't tell anyone this. Apparently, I didn't have to. Because right before I went home that Friday evening, someone asked me how I was doing.

Whether they saw something in my expression or heard something through the grapevine, it almost doesn’t matter. Their interest in my well-being completely altered my perspective. It lifted me up a little and made me feel a lot less alone. It also made me wonder what I could do to show empathy before a colleague seeks it out.

A moment ago, I mentioned that my colleague’s check-in made me feel less alone. A feeling of loneliness is common during times of work stress. In fact, loneliness, especially at work, is not a matter of actually being alone. Even in our current environment, where many of us see co-workers during video meetings, I wouldn't say loneliness has increased.

Because loneliness isn't the absence of human proximity. It's the absence of human connection.

Internally at FranklinCovey, we like to say that the best workplace cultures feature employees who feel like they're valued members of a winning team, doing meaningful work in an environment of trust. Take any of those factors away and you'll likely find employees who are adrift. Sometimes it’s momentary, as happened to me recently. Sometimes it’s more permanent.

Even those who appear to have all the meaningful connections in the world—successful people with good jobs, supportive life partners, kids to dote on, even loyal pets—can often lose their sense of meaning or purpose.

What saved me in my moment of stress might be described as interventional empathy. The person who inquired about my well-being was, like me, someone who had led a large team. By asking me how I was doing and showing genuine curiosity in the answer, they allowed me to vent—to share concerns I'd clearly been harboring but was hesitant to say out loud. By being a devoted listener, and offering their own hard-earned perspective, they allowed me to completely reframe how I thought about my current situation—entirely for the better.

There's no telling what my weekend and subsequent weeks would've been like without that brief intervention. There's no way of measuring the ripple effects of leaving the office on the cusp of a weekend feeling seen and understood, as opposed to preoccupied and frustrated.

Empathy is not just what you do when you know someone wants to talk. It's not just how you behave when someone's sitting across from you, telling you they have something to share.

Empathy starts long before that. It's being contextually aware of the challenges, thoughts, and concerns of other people on your team and in your orbit, even when they don't expressly offer them up to you.

Empathy is recognizing that everyone, no matter what sort of image they project outwardly, has a deep desire to be heard and understood and is more likely than not dealing with myriad challenges and problems. Rarely will someone tell you outright what they're missing in their lives at the moment. Instead, it's likely something you'll have to be present enough to pick up on.

Creating or bolstering a work environment that understands and encourages this level of anticipatory empathy is not easy. Arguably, it can't be formalized. You can organize all the happy hours and pizza parties you want. But knowing when a co-worker is in need won't come fast and it won't come easy. But if my experience is any guide, the dividends—on their mood, on yours, and on the overall productivity of everyone you interact with—will be reward enough.

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