The One Thing You Should Keep In Mind This Thanksgiving

A few weeks ago, a reporter from the Wall Street Journal called Barry-Wehmiller's corporate office in St. Louis. She wanted to know what we were doing about conflict in our plants and workspaces around the election.

Barry-Wehmiller is a global company with locations around the world, but the core of our business is in the U.S. As we have acquired -- or adopted -- companies, teammates in Missouri, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Illinois, Ohio, Colorado, South Carolina, Florida, Georgia and many other states, have become part of our family. Naturally, our people have a wide range of views, backgrounds and socioeconomic situations.

Honestly, though, we really didn't have much to say to the reporter. Not that some conflict or tension doesn’t exist -- people are people after all. How should we handle that conflict? As we strive to in most situations: just as a caring family would. We would encourage our people to listen to each other. Throughout our companies that is one thing on which we place a lot of emphasis. We even teach a class on listening through our Barry-Wehmiller University.

Before and after Election Day, there have been a wide-range of emotions about our current political climate. Because tensions are running so high right now, this Thanksgiving could be a time when families are divided, undermining the reason we are gathering in the first place.

If there's one thing we should all keep in mind this Thanksgiving, it's to remember to listen. Listen to your family, your friends, to anyone you encounter this holiday season. It's not just a trite, simplistic solution to conflict. When you listen to another person, really listen to them, you are validating them. You are helping them feel like they matter. It completely changes the nature of the conversation and of our understanding of each other.

I'd like to share a post I wrote two years ago on my Truly Human Leadership blog during a time of turmoil and tension in St. Louis. I feel just as strongly about the transformative power of listening now as I did then.

Moving the Needle

I grew up in Ferguson, Missouri.

Although Barry-Wehmiller is now a global company, one of its early headquarters was in the City of St. Louis on North Florissant, close to Ferguson. Our corporate office is now located in Clayton, MO, blocks away from the St. Louis County courthouse and police department. If you’ve been paying attention to the nonstop media coverage of what has been happening in the St. Louis area over the last couple of days, these locations will sound very familiar to you. It’s difficult not to be deeply troubled by what is happening in the community which has played an important role in my life.

While the issues at hand run deep and obviously cannot be solved though a blog post, I wonder if we might move the needle a little through something I talk a great deal about in this blog and a practice we embrace daily throughout Barry-Wehmiller: the importance of listening.

I have often said that listening is the most important thing a leader can do. But I believe it transcends leadership. Listening is the most important thing we, as humans, can do for one another. It shows empathy, it shows you care, and most importantly, it shows the person you are listening to that they matter. When done with the intent to not merely get the information you need but rather to meet the needs of the other person and hear how he or she is feeling, listening allows us to connect and better understand each other.

According to William Ury, co-founder of Harvard’s Program on Negotiation and one of the world’s leading experts on negotiation and mediation, “When you listen to someone, it’s the most profound act of human respect.”

In 2008, we began teaching our team members how to improve their listening skills through a Barry-Wehmiller University course on communication. What we didn’t anticipate was the profound difference that improved listening made not just at work, but in their lives as a whole.

As our professors teach in the class:

“One of the most powerful dynamics of human interaction is when people feel as though they have been heard. Really heard. Hearing someone does not mean we necessarily have to agree with what has been said. Rather, it is working to understand where people are coming from and then going to a new place together.”

Bill Ury also says that we are given two ears and one mouth for a reason: to listen twice as much as we talk. How can we build trust and show respect and understand one another unless we know what the other person is thinking and feeling? The way we actualize caring is through empathetic listening. I wonder how our dialogue with one another could be improved, not only in St. Louis or Ferguson but throughout the globe, if we were to approach every conversation in this way.

Bob Chapman is Chairman and CEO of Barry-Wehmiller Companies, a $2+ billion capital equipment and engineering consulting firm with more than 11,000 team members worldwide. He shares thoughts, stories and insights on leadership and business on his blog, trulyhumanleadership.com. His Wall Street Journal best-selling book, Everybody Matters: The Extraordinary Power of Caring For Your People Like Family, published by Penguin Random House, is available through online retailers and in bookstores everywhere.