The One Thing You Should Drop In 2024 to Get On the Path of Self-Mastery

?? Play our conversation about how to stop fear of (most) people's opinions.??

What would you do differently if you weren’t afraid of (most) people’s opinions of you?

Happy New Year and welcome to our January series, "The Better Blueprint for Your 2024" series. January, a time of reflection and aspiration, finds many of us contemplating who we want to become. It's the season for setting intentions, changing habits, and crafting resolutions, especially in areas that matter most to our listeners: work well-being, emotional well-being, physical well-being, and relational well-being. Throughout this series, we'll explore topics in each area, offering new perspectives and approaches to improvement.

This week, we kicked off with Michael Gervais , a renowned performance psychologist. Michael's focus on the path to self-mastery and being our best in any environment is specifically about improving our internal psychological skills, training our minds, and working with our thoughts.

In his new book, The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying about What People Think of You, Michael introduces the concept of FOPO - Fear of Other People's Opinions. Many can relate to FOPO; we've all avoided something or taken action based on what we believed others would think about us. Michael's guidance is informed not just by years of psychological study, but also by his application of these principles with the world's top athletes, Olympians, and executives.

He explains that we must first understand what's behind our fear of other people's opinions and how it functions, determine and assess whether our assumptions are true, and finally, redefine our relationship with FOPO and decide whose opinions matter most.

Understand Where You Derive Self-Worth From

In his book, Michael explains that many of us externalize our sense of value in one or more areas, making our self-worth conditional rather than inherent. To begin shifting this perception, identify the areas where you're most vulnerable. Consider which of these resonate with you:

• Social Approval: My self-worth is contingent upon being accepted, appreciated, and validated.
• Workplace: My self-worth is based on my performance at work.
• Money: My self-worth is linked to perceptions of financial wealth.
• Academics: My self-worth depends on scholastic achievement.
• Appearance: My self-worth is tied to meeting cultural standards of attractiveness.
• Social Comparison: My self-worth is based on being "better" than others in certain areas.
• Virtue: My self-worth is connected to being a virtuous person.
• Parenting: My self-worth is derived from my child's accomplishments and well-being.
• Power: My self-worth hinges on my sense of power.
• God's Love: My self-worth is dependent on God's love.
• Family Approval: My self-worth is tied to complying with my family's desires.

While there are many ways to understand why you hold these beliefs, Michael advises against overcomplicating it. The best antidote to outsourced self-worth is simply recognizing that you are worthy exactly as you are. Your value comes from your being, not your doing.

Create a Personal Philosophy

What statement encapsulates who you'd like to be and how you want to operate daily? Many people have a sense of their values but lack a daily reminder to stay aligned with them. That's where a personal philosophy comes in, offering guidance and freeing you from the opinions of those who matter least.

This statement should be concise, typically less than 25 words, memorable, and deeply connected to who you are. As Michael says, it needs to resonate with you.

• Brainstorm: Think about 20-30 words that resonate with you.
• Inspiration: Consider quotes that inspire you.
• Role Models: Reflect on people you admire and why.

Use these elements to craft a personal philosophy that guides your thoughts, feelings, and decisions, especially in moments of FOPO or high stress.

Study: The Spotlight Effect in Social Judgment

Video: Mastery Mindset AMA with Michael Gervais

Self-mastery is a never-ending process of becoming more self-aware, deciding who you want to be, and making changes that reflect what matters most to you. In our world, there's a growing focus on the individual, sometimes overshadowing the importance of our collective well-being. While personal development offers incredible rewards, its true value extends beyond the individual.

By committing to self-mastery, you don't just transform your own life; you become a more meaningful contributor to everyone you interact with, the larger communities you are part of, and, ultimately, the world as a whole. Realizing your significance can deepen your commitment to transformation, reinforcing the notion that your growth benefits not just yourself, but everyone around you.

You might be interested in these other topics related to self-mastery:

• Conquering Everyday Anxiety: How to Understand and Manage Your Stress
• Finding Our Purpose Through Ikigai

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Everyday Better is LinkedIn News’ weekly personal development podcast hosted by Leah Smart, a LinkedIn News Editor. You’ll hear from some of the world's brightest minds and bravest hearts about how to live with more clarity and intention every day, in and out of work. Subscribe to the show's newsletter.

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