The ONE THING You Can do to be a Better Leader

Have you ever had a leader go off in a meeting? If watching your leader lose control felt scary that’s because it probably triggered some immediate, primitive emotions in your emotional center, the limbic brain. Your heartbeat may have increased; you may have felt stressed or even experienced an immediate need to leave. And if the outburst and your negative reaction to it affected you for the rest of the meeting or even longer, that’s not surprising either; once your emotions have been hijacked in this way, it takes a concerted effort to reign them back in.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) guru Daniel Goleman writes in Primal Leadership that the fundamental task of the leader is to prime good feelings in those she is privileged to lead and “that occurs when the leader creates resonance – a reservoir of positivity that frees the best in people.” 

The ability to consistently prime the pump of positivity requires EQ competencies like self-awareness and control. The opposite of resonance is dissonance; a dissonant leader throws people off balance which affects their performance. 

Dissonant leaders can be effective in the short term but the toxicity they create often negatively affects the creativity of the team as well as the bottom line. You can avoid infecting your team's productivity learning to lead yourself. 

In fact, the ONE thing, the most important thing you can do to be a better leader and the hardest leadership challenge is to lead yourself well. 

Leading yourself well requires some self awareness and self-development, an understanding of what leadership entails and maybe some outside, objective assistance. 

Follow these steps to leading a better YOU! 

Step 1: Study YOU 

Before you can become the leader you want to be, you have to know the leader you are. Self-awareness is the first step to leading yourself so spend some time understanding you; what are your leadership strengths? What are your values? How do you like to spend your time? What absolutely drains you? How do you like to receive information? When are you most energetic? What do you need to make decisions? When talking to others, are you listening to what they’re saying or just listening for a break in the conversation?

Are you aware of and able to manage your emotions? Are you empathetic to the emotions of others? What makes you feel elated? What drives you bonkers and more importantly, how do you respond?

I once worked with a visionary leader, which is considered to be one of the most effective leadership styles. Unfortunately, in a crisis or when his triggers were activated, this leader often turned on and then tuned out others. That prevented him from being able to hear what people were saying at the very moment he most needed to listen. He lacked the ability to recognize his triggers or the self-control to respond instead of react in a crisis and instead of priming good feelings, frequently created dissonance among his team. The resulting culture was one where his team members were reluctant to speak for fear of setting off an explosion. I personally left many a meeting discombobulated, disengaged and dysfunctional. 

Your awareness of both your leadership IQ and EQ is a strategic advantage and can determine if the culture you create contributes to team creativity or toxicity.

Step 2: Understand Leadership 

What makes a good leader? Who are some leaders that you admire? How did your immediate, intimate leadership models make you feel? What do you believe about leadership? And is what you believe the most effective way to lead? Many entrepreneurs focus on a business plan, attracting capital, hiring employees with little to no thought given to how they will lead their enterprise. Even in well established organizations, leadership development is frequently nonexistent. Leadership is an art that comes easily to many people; however it can be learned and even natural or experienced leaders can fine-tune their skills to be even better. 

Discover how to use the leadership characteristics that come naturally to you and focus on developing those. And then try to minimize the possible negative impact of any weakness in key leadership characteristics like communication by finding team members to fill your gaps. 

I was blessed to be a part of an organization, the U.S. Air Force, with a unique tradition of experiential leadership development. None of the military branches have the luxury of hiring a “CEO” at any level from an external source, so the leadership training starts early and happens frequently. As I young officer, I was exposed to formal training, informal and formal mentoring from my superior officers and the special “polishing” that can only come from senior noncommissioned officers. I learned what worked for me, what fit my personality and I looked at each new assignment as an opportunity to reinvent myself as a leader, to take the good and not so good experiences I created or witnessed and apply them with a new team. 

You may not be blessed with the flexibility to reinvent yourself at a new location; that doesn't mean you can't continue to grow and develop as a leader.

Step 3: Embrace Feedback 

Your mom and possibly a grandparent may be the only two people who believe you’ve never made a mistake, EVER. Your siblings, friends and especially your co-workers and team members probably have some constructive criticism, or an observation to offer about something you’ve done or said; just ask them. If you truly believe they have your best interests and the best interests of the enterprise at heart then be open to listening without judgment. 

Feedback was an informal, then formal part of the leadership development I experienced in the Air Force. Sometimes the feedback was hard to hear but it gave me a glimpse as to whether what I thought I was projecting was actually being perceived in the way I intended. I had to work on not being defensive so I could listen to what was being shared and then decide if and how to incorporate it into my leadership toolkit.

The power of any feedback, whether a passing comment or a performance review, resides with the receiver; you always have the choice to reject or accept and act on the feedback you receive, even if it's from someone higher in the hierarchy. 

Leadership is a privilege afforded to you, the leader, by the people you are privileged to lead. But leading yourself well is the first crucial step to leading a team in any enterprise. So be intentional about how you’re leading by learning about yourself, learning about leadership and learning from others. 

Renita D. Alexander is the founder of Leadership Unlocked, a full service leadership development company focused on empowering leaders to unlock and leverage their innate, unique leadership DNA.

She helps her clients show up and speak out authentically and powerfully.

You can connect to Renita on her private Facebook group Leadership Unlocked and follow her club, Leadership Unlocked, on Clubhouse. Learn more about leading yourself in her book, Just Breathe: Leading Myself One Breath at a Time available via Xlibris.com