The One Thing No One Tells You About The Job Search

The One Thing No One Tells You About the Job Search

Throughout my twenties, my anxiety and depression skyrocketed and permeated my daily thoughts, overwhelming my existence. I felt hopeless and overwhelmed and it grew every time I was faced with the difficult question I was asked constantly - what do you do for a living? Or - what do you want to do?

I started at the University of California in Santa Barbara when I was 17 after attending their pre-college program between my last two years of high school. At 19, with a changed major and lots of exciting and horrific experiences behind, I left the university (after failing out of classes) and after my mother was diagnosed with cancer for the first time and a painful death in the family. I was convinced I would never return to school or graduate.

My older brother has had a #career as a sportswriter and editor for the last two plus decades, and my younger brother in music, touring with a well-known band for seven years before the pandemic hit and they decided it was a good time to go their separate ways. My sister had gotten two master's degrees including her MBA before she turned 25. As a young girl and teen growing up in the San Fernando Valley of Los Angeles, I was surrounded by aspirational stories and creativity- I loved reading novels and writing poetry and loved music (we lived across the street from Brandon Boyd of Incubus' family home and in the same city where Dr. Dre, Will Smith, and Justin Beiber all lived or have homes). I was inspired by our father who worked a day job but had a few of his poetry books published.

I guess I naturally *and faultily* assumed that at some point, I, too, would see my creative spark and genes be developed and recognized, and just wake up knowing what I was meant to do. What transpired during and after college, for many years to follow, was a very different story and one that involved years of shame, sadness, anxiety, anger, self-destructive actions, and confusion. What was wrong with me? What was I lacking and why couldn’t I just figure out what I wanted to do and pursue one incredible path? I attempted what I could without the mental health support I really needed but somehow miraculously and with the encouragement of a dear friend's mother and my late grandmother Ethel's love and support, graduated with my bachelor's and completed an internship abroad. I had incredibly loving and supportive friends (with the exception of a few rough spots along the way), made it my priority to travel and experience the world as much as I could manage to feel alive and a part of something greater than myself, all the while still seeking and trying to place my quirkiness and varied skills and interests into a nicely organized box of adulthood purpose.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I didn’t need to have it all figured out. That the experiences and jobs I had, crappy or fun or boring or underpaid or even interesting careers I had throughout my 20s (until I started my own small business as a local matchmaker) would all be invaluable to the self-development that led to an eventual discovery of meaning. After a difficult and heartbreaking divorce in 2018 in my 30s, I decided to finally stop making all the excuses for my own lack of fulfillment and listen to the inner voice I had shut out for almost ten years. I researched, applied, got accepted, studied, and completed a master’s program in counseling at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo from 2020-2022 (hello virtual classrooms) to enable me to pursue my true passion- supporting people of all ages going through major life and work transitions. After interning as a graduate assistant and Career Advisor at Cal Poly and working briefly at a university in Los Angeles, I got a job as a Career Counselor with the non-profit I am with today, helping incredibly talented and driven people in the performing arts industry to plan and balance an oftentimes unstable and inconsistent entertainment career with other passions and pursuits.

After thousands of hours of writing #resumes and cover letters, completing #applications, going through countless interviews and many tears and laughs in between engaging and more interesting career choices before this last pivot, I realize now what no one tells you about your #job search. And that is that while your search will almost always challenge and frustrate you, it will also give you the perspective, skills, connections, and resilience that you need to thrive and grow (and see yourself and others with more respect and understanding) to something even greater in this jungle of life.

This awareness is not only priceless but is the rock that we are able to stand on when things get difficult again or when another change or life event happens that feels like it is trying to throw us or bury us. We will then be equipped to see it for what it is- simply a series of events that is happening or happened that has forced us to seek help, ask questions, reprioritize, and open our eyes to a new and elevated path ahead. It might take time and tears (and some wine/ice cream/screaming alone in your car), but we will persist. Keep your cheerleaders and trusted friends or family close- those beautiful and kind souls you meet along your way who make you see how wonderful you are and remind you that every step leads you to who you are meant to become- an incredible, loved, unique being with more to offer this world and more worth than someone who is defined by what they do.

And I will be rooting for you, too.