The one thing holding you back and how to overcome it.

I used to think I was dumb.

That was a lie that turned into excuses that turned into behaviors that became limiting beliefs.

As a coach I tell my players and my teams a lot: “Don’t lie to yourself.”

When it’s just you. When it’s quiet and you’re alone with your thoughts in the dark. When you look in the mirror in the morning and at night…don’t lie to yourself.

That’s how you find excellence in your life: truth.

When you’re trying to achieve or grow or overcome, it starts with how you talk to yourself.

Only you know if you gave it your best effort that day. Did you take a play or plays off during practice or games, did you skip reps, did you roll over, did you do the work required? All of it? Did you do the best of your ability on that day?

The old saying goes “Everyone wants to be a champion, but not many are willing to do the work it requires.”

Don’t lie. Not to yourself. Say what you want to them, but don’t lie to yourself. Trust me.

I was the dumb kid.

At least that’s what I’d come to believe.

My friends were smart. Really smart. They were top 10% students across the board in all honors classes, but I struggled. I was in the bottom 25% of my class. I failed classes. I had tutors to help me pass the other classes.

I was popular and an athlete, but I told myself I was the “the dumb kid.”

I rationalized it because I was good at sports and that became my identity. Somehow it made more sense to be “dumb” if you I was good at sports (wrestling, in my case).

A few things happened:

1.??????I achieved what I set my sights on athletically. I won a state title in 1993, because I was entirely focused on that one thing alone. I hadn’t thought about anything beyond that one moment.

2.??????I graduated with a 2.2 high school GPA – which ultimately cost me the athletic scholarships I wanted. Along the way I failed geometry and made D’s in high school Algebra.

3.??????I briefly attended an NAIA school I wasn’t interested in to wrestle on scholarship, but quickly transferred to school without a wrestling program in bitterness and ego that I wasn’t at a bigger program. So my wrestling career ended.

Without wrestling the only thing left was my limiting belief about my own intellect. I carried that belief into college, but without sports to fall back on I had to find somewhere else to hide.

After a semester or two I began to realize that school was coming easier to me, even without long hours of studying. Maybe I wasn’t “dumb” after all. My confidence grew and the lie diminished.

In hindsight here’s what happened to me in high school:

• ?I cut a lot of weight; cutting from a summer weight of 140lbs every year down to 112lbs every year Freshman through Senior year. I was 18 and weighed 112lbs. (my very thin 14 year old XC / Track running / Soccer playing daughter weighs 120lbs in 8th grade. Her star athlete twin brother almost 130lbs.)
• Wrestling wasn’t monitored back then like it is today in terms of protecting kids from weight cuts. I was less than 4% bodyfat, working out before school, at practice, and then after practice?- usually in a plastic suit every day, not eating, and sometimes taking even more drastic measures to drop the last few ounces. I didn’t sleep well because I was hungry and often slept into two sweat suits.
• I saw our family doctor more than once for chest pain during my sophomore year for what he called “extreme electrolyte imbalance” and “borderline malnutrition.” I practiced in my plastic suit that same day after that diagnosis.

Nutrition and performance science has some along way since 1993. Today, it’s obvious what was going on with me cognitively. Lack of nutrition and dehydration impair cognitive ability significantly.

I wasn’t dumb.

I was hungry.

And distracted by a singular goal that overrode everything else.

Being “dumb” was a lie. It became my excuse. It became my behavior. And I carried that with me as my belief. And it cost me in the end, despite my success on the mat.

I weighed 160lbs by Christmas of my freshman year of college; up from 112lbs in February of my sr. year of high school. My thinking was suddenly more clear and grades came easier.

I graduated college with a 3.4 GPA (despite a couple of early semesters of goofing off). I’m convinced that I’d have been well above a 3.5 if I’d believed in myself a semester sooner.

I’m not blaming wrestling for my poor performance in school when I was younger; or even the weight cut. It wasn’t anyone else’s fault.

I was to blame. I was lying to myself every day, because it was easier than the truth. The truth was I could do better academically. I should have worked harder, cared more, stopped hiding, and most of all stopped lying to myself and hiding behind the lie.

I think careers are the same for adults.

I’ve been working now for almost 25 years. At a few points many years ago I let the lies creep back in. Here are a few I told myself earlier in my career:

You’re not smart enough for this.

They overlook you because you’re dumb.

Keep your head down and try not to be noticed.

Leaders are smart and always right.

This is the best you'll ever be.

Only tall people get ahead in life. You’re short. (really, I believed this).

I hid again behind sports (triathlon for 20 years).?I invented another new identity because I’d let the lie takeover again.

Guess what happened next?

When I got tired of being mediocre, I wasn’t.

I changed jobs to a place I felt more respected for who I was and started over. My boss today respected my athletic achievements, knowing there must be something that drove me to a hard sport like wrestling and then long distance triathlon (I was doing this before they became mainstream. Back then we laid our bikes on the ground in transition – not on bike racks in a lot of cases).

I assumed a leadership role that grew to an executive role because I lead first through example (hard work), then through influence (hard work that starts to be modeled by others), then as a servant.

There are things I’m really good at, and some I’m not. The reality is though, that when I stopped lying to myself in the mirror about my career and who I could be, I flourished.

Someone believed in me. I started telling myself good things about what I’d accomplished in my life, the effort those things took, the intellect and will power it took to accomplish some of them, the people who love me, the people who depend upon me, and I made work about serving others.

I stumble often, but I tell myself the truth and I don’t invent lies or find places to hide anymore. God wants the best for me and He provides in His time, but I have to meet Him at the starting line (or middle of the mat) instead of hiding.

Decide what you want and then tell yourself the truth about who you are and what it’ll take to accomplish what you want for your life. You've done hard things. You're capable.

I do a lot of complicated math every single day in my executive level job (so much for failed high school math classes and remedial college courses). I completed a minMBA a few years ago. I talk to Phd level data scientists, CEOs, and CIOs, often - and they frequently value my insight. I’m living a life I never imagined as the “dumb” kid, because I was never "dumb" to begin with.

Here’s my challenge to you today. Go do this right now if you’re struggling:

Look yourself in the mirror. Promise yourself that you’ll stop telling yourself the lie(s) holding you back. Then tell yourself all the amazing things you’ve accomplished in your life already. Picture yourself in those moments with the people who love you. Pray for freedom from the bondage of your limiting beliefs.

Great things about you:

If you’re a son or a daughter, you are amazing.

If you’re a Mom, you are amazing.

If you’re a father, you are amazing.

If you’re an athlete, you are amazing.

If you’re a developer, you are amazing.

If you’re a leader of people, you are amazing.

If you woke up this morning wanting more, you are amazing.

Don’t let the lies steal who you are.

Go make something happen today. God won’t show you the second step until you take the first.?

Chad Nikazy is Executive Vice President at Provisions Group, a Franklin TN based IT consulting, project delivery, and recruiting firm . He resides south of Nashville with his wife and 3 children where he consults with business leaders and shuttles kids between practices of all kinds. Reach out and let's talk about your career or business challenges at [email protected]