This ONE thing dramatically improved my marriage

I was not a very grateful person growing up. I did not know then. I always thought I was grateful. But when I look at myself then relative to me now, I was hardly grateful for what I had in my life. 

I was short tempered, up and down in my attitude and would get sad and depressed very easily. When I had tough things to do (e.g., an exam in a tough subject or, later on when I got a job, if I had to work on a tough project) I would be so stressed that I had a burning sensation in my stomach. My doctor called it acid reflux. I have had it since my undergraduate days. 

This condition continued for years. 

I am probably one of the most fortunate people in the world. I met and eventually got married to the most amazing woman I have ever met in my life. But sadly I brought myself into my marriage in my entirety.  

I was fun-loving. That was good. 

I would crack jokes. That was good. 

I was smart. That was good. 

I had a fixed mindset. That was not good. 

I would be depressed and show it to her. That was not good. 

I was short tempered and she was the target of my anger totally undeservingly. That was not at all good. I would lose my temper and yell at her. Then I would feel miserable. I would hate myself. 

I struggled with this for years. 

It got better as I improved my association and my habits. 

The frequency of my “not good” events came down. But they would still surface from time to time. 

Things changed dramatically when I read the book, The Compound Effect by Darren Hardy. 

He talks about how he wrote gratitudes about his wife for a whole year and gave them to her as a gift. 

I did the same.  Every day. Without fail. Just ONE thing. Every single day. I would wake up. And I would write 3 gratitudes about my wife.

I did not notice in the beginning. But gradually my anger towards my wife vanished. I appreciated her more. I ignored things she did that would previously irritate me.

My brain had literally changed: a little bit a day until, one day, I felt I had a whole new brain.

It got reprogrammed. 

From seeing my wife with a critical eye to seeing her with an appreciative eye. 

New neural pathways were formed in my brain. 

The old ones went away or I stopped using them. 

In any case, I became a “new” husband who could only see the amazingness in my wife. 

And there is plenty of that in her. 

I gave my written gratitudes to her on her birthday.

Try it. Prepare to be amazed.

Just ONE simple, almost-silly-sounding thing every day. ONE simple habit. Takes almost no time. Just a few seconds.

The investment is close to nothing. The return is absolutely astounding. Invaluable. Priceless.

That got me thinking. I wonder where else I can apply this idea of writing gratitudes. 

To be continued in my next article. 

An invitation...I started a telegram group...it's kinda like an accountability group...where some of us share our gratitudes daily...some people have been doing this for over 250 days without a break. The stories I hear are heart-warming. It has grown organically to over 70 people. Want to try it? Click on

and you are in!